MKR recap episode 3

I was going to do a live recap (SA time) of tonight’s Cougar Town episode but I had to poke my eyes out after that glimpse of slinky nightie cleavage in the first minute. I’ll resume recapping when I’m able.

In the meantime, comment away!

Okay, I found some prosthetic eyes and am ploughing on …

Whoops ... baps for brekkie. (Sorry)

Whoops … baps for brekkie. (Sorry)

The preview made this episode look like a trainwreck and, while MKR has been known to misdirect us, it’s looking like the truth from the get go. I really don’t need to see people, regardless of their age, calling each other “sexy bum” in a 7.30pm time slot. Cheryl and Matt seem to be lapping up the Cougar and Cub tags and are equally icky towards each other.

The menu is revealed and it’s retro a go go because Cheryl is like, you know, old. Well she’s not, really, and she’s a well-groomed lady, but in TV land lady years she’s practically dead.

Entree: Chicken caesar salad

Main: Grilled swordfish with pea puree and tarragon sauce

Dessert: Chocolate seduction pudding with poached pears and cinnamon ice cream

They decorate their restaurant by exploding a rainbow and hiding a few whoopee cushions. I can’t wait to see Pete’s face if they put one on his.

Her ice cream is made from condensed milk, which is a very 70s thing to do. And she bought a tonne of brown sugar. It is going to be soo sweet. I’m predicting this is the one Pete says he can only have one spoonful of.

Matt (the Cub) says the menu is “bold”. Take the “b” off the front and he’s right.

Danger, danger – they are making the caesar salad croutons with bought bread and, umm .. chilli? In a caeser.

Oh lord, the sauce has fresh tarragon, dried tarragon and cornflour!

This is hot on the heels of a team that smoked venison, used wild boar and tempered their own chocolate.

And yet they are going to the effort of shelling their own peas, which for a puree is  a waste of time given they are under the pump – it’s not like they are being eaten fresh in salad.

OK, have to polish my artificial eyeballs … rest of recap to follow soon.

And we’re back …

Instead of breaking the ice the guests are breaking the wind but they seem to be loving it, especially Jordan, who wants to be Cheryl’s new gay BFF.

Back in the kitchen and the bacon is both burnt and underdone but that’s cool because Matt wanted different textures and Cheryl’s spin is that it gives people a choice. She’s great at faking confidence and positivity. Is she a realtor?

Matt gives the croutons a bath in a litre of oil.

Zana can’t wink for fear her eyelash glue will set while her eyes are shut.

The judges arrive and, sadly, there are no exploding bum noises – that must come after the meal.

The record menus look cool and when Cougar explains the dessert is designed to lure men Manu tries extremely hard to keep a straight face.

Matt is in charge of cooking the chicken and fails miserably. He’s been taking cues from MasterChef contestants. Luckily Cougar realises it’s raw before the guests get salmonella.

The guests are pondering what the salad twist will be but our villainess Zana is freaking out because she does not eat lettuce that has not been grown in Cloud Cuckoo Land, in case it has dirt on it. Why would a germaphobic go on a cooking show?

The poached eggs look good but there is no sign of the lettuce being washed (unless it happened off camera). Is a producer on standby to gently place a speck of dirt on Zana’s plate?

“Make sure that they’re odd, babe,” Cougar warns as Cub plates up. This actually means “make the plates look like a dog’s breakfast”. My local supermarket presents its packaged salad better than this and they only charge seven bucks. Cougar Town garnish with fresh rosemary, which is pretty much inedible. It is a lot of food for an entree.


Plus One is being kind when he says “presentation is lacking”.

The judges go in for the prolonged chew …

MORE RECAP TO COME … STAY TUNED

Pete goes in for the kill: “It didn’t look attractive. Was it pleasant to eat? Not really … The dressing … It’s thin? It’s got a very strange taste to it.” The bacon isn’t crispy, chicken dry and the chilli croutons are a miss. “If I got served that a restaurant I would never go back.” Cougar Town are devo and the other teams find it totes awks.

Zana can’t bring herself to taste it but Curly Wurly Laura puts on a brave face and talks it up.

Onwards and upwards to mains. Plus One gets to speak again. What – that’s twice in one episode!  His wife tells a hilarious story about a teacher saying she should pursue a career as a dictator. Paige is loving peppering her with questions, baiting her.

Cougar says the swordfish is perfectly cooked, which is the kiss of death. Plating is much better than the entree and the puree looks vibrant, but they need to flick off the fresh tarragon.

We cut from the masticating Manu and Pete to a promo for the SA girls’ instant restaurant and the food looks divine. Go you good things! Back in the dining room and Manu says the overcooked fish is like tinned tuna. He  likes the carrots, even with skin, but there is dirt visible on them. (Zana is having a panic attack out of shot). The sauce is too sharp and the puree has not been seasoned. Rookie mistakes abound. So now we know they were definitely cast for entertainment value, much like the Captain and whatserface last year. Pete makes them feel a little better by saying his fish was perfect but it’s downhill from there.

Why did no-one tell me vegetables grow in dirt?

Why did no-one tell me vegetables grow in dirt?

Will Gillette sponsor the next episode to rid us of hirsute veg?

Will Gillette sponsor the next episode to rid us of hirsute veg?

Zana does not like hair in her carrots, only in her face. Paige is on fire: “You know when you have a sandwich at the beach and a bit of sand got in it …”

They haven’t started poaching their pears yet – dessert is going to take forever, or they’ll serve them undercooked (another MasterChef motif). Most of the other teams are rooting for the Cougars to stage a comeback but it’s looking unlikely.

BEAR WITH ME; BACK IN A TICK

At least their ice cream is frozen. “It’s not meant to have a strong flavour,” Cheryl says as she gives him a taste of pear. So, it’s bland, then. The caramel is smudging their balloon glasses and I feel for her at this stage, because she knows she’s on a losing streak but is putting on a brave face for the camera.

Cue the chew … Manu says it tastes like cinnamon, not chocolate but Pete can’t hide his disdain when he says: “I’m trying to find something I like about this and there’s nothing.” Ouch! Manu slams the faux ice cream and flavourless pears: “As a dessert as a whore, deez appointing.” Cheryl looks mortified.

Guest scores: Mum and son 3; SA girls 3; Zana and Plus One 3; Cops 4; Curlies 4. Generous, really. They made the cops look like Michelin chefs. Total 17/50.

Judges: Entree Pete 3, Manu 4; Main Pete 3, Manu 2; Dessert Pete 1, Manu 1. Grand total 31.

Is that lower than anything we saw last year? Cougar takes the criticism gracefully.

Oh, so Sunday’s episode is actually Mum and Son and it looks like they serve a delicious main. Thank god – people who can cook!



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67 Comments

  1. I have this horrifying suspicion that tonight’s episode is going to be 2 and a half hours of Cheryl’s favourite sex jokes. Eugh. I get that they’re a quirky, interesting couple, but what they get up to in their bedroom is really none of my business.

    I missed the first couple of minutes. Did it say what part of Queensland they’re from? I get the feeling that they’re Sunshine Coast locals (which is right near me).

    • I don’t think it said where they were from (but I could have missed it – recovering from Cheryl’s boobs hanging out).

      • There’s a plaque on the kitchen wall that lists all the beaches on the Sunshine Coast. It’s the kind of thing you buy in all the little beach/gift-ware shops here on the coast. I didn’t recognise any of the shops or roads, but it all looked really familiar.

        • Google just says Brisbane, but we know the show can be a bit liberal in its interpretation of geography.

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  2. I’m finding this episode really hard to watch. I really don’t care who consenting adults partner with but do we need the ridiculous innuendo and constant PDAs – just in case we forget they’re a couple.
    And the food Oh My God what were they thinking?
    The words “I made up this recipe” followed by ignoring basics generally have me screaming “NOOOOO! Don’t do it at the TV”

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        • … and handsome. Even wearing a flamingo safari suit. Heh.

          I really like how confident he is, for 22. He’s so self-assured. He carries himself so well, and he just seems so comfortable in himself. That’s more than I’ve got (despite having a decade on him), and that’s a really attractive thing.

  3. MKR, tonight was like OMG all night….I was saying to the Tv…don’t do that!! What happèned in the kitchen of the cougar and the toyboy….did nerves get to them or they really can’t cook? None of the food looked appetizing at àll. Such a shame as i liked them as being an unusual and good humoured team. such a low score…….very sad.

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  4. Juz you picked it with the germaphobe observation. I know we all have a touch of OCD at times but hers does seem to revolve around food which is really odd on a show where you have to eat food cooked by others. I’m surprised they eat out at all.

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  5. Wrong in so, so many ways. I honestly didn’t know whether to cringe or laugh. Clearly a case of casting for cougar/cub shock factor. I don’t believe for a second they can cook anything. Using fresh tarragon to garnish but dried tarragon to make the sauce? Cacao powder for —- dumplings? WRONG!
    I need a shower, my skin is still crawling. ewwww

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  6. Surely they aren’t for real. Yuk, yuk, yuk! One has to wonder how they got passed the auditions.
    Glad we missed the boobs hanging out at the beginning.

    • You dodged a bullet there AH, between that and the kissing from last night I’m going to need years of therapy to recover.

    • I’m sorry – you MUST share my pain. Do you know how many times I had to rewatch this bit in order to get the screengrab …

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  7. A couple of observations, at this juncture. The chemistry between the Cougar and her Cub is just … not there, I don’t think. The romantic push between the two of them seems so forced and awkward. It’s almost like Cheryl still feels insecure about the relationship, and just has to keep reaffirming it to everybody watching. It honestly wouldn’t surprise me if they applied to MKR as a couple, broke up in the meantime, but are pretending just for the sake of the competition.

    As for their food, Manu got it right in his final appraisal … it’s like they just threw a bunch of random ingredients into a blender and hoped for magic. I’m not convinced of their relationship, but they seem like nice enough people, and those reviews were harsh. Is it me or are the judges a little more brutal, this year?

    The other observation … it’s a given that Zana and whatshisface will do badly in their instant restaurant, but are they really gonna do worse than 31? There’s good odds we’ll be stuck with Zana and whatshisface for at least another month, or so. Sad face.

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    • Well said Windsong and I think you’re on to something re the lack of chemistry. It does always seem that she was kissing him.
      Zana said in an interview somewhere how much the other contestants began to love them as the series progressed so I think they’re in for the long haul.

  8. Toy Boy can’t tell when the chicken’s cooked…yet someone needs to tell him that the deluded old chook he’s hooked up with has gone well past her use by date.

    I had a sense of impending disaster when he said he’d playing around with the sauce for a while. The road to culinary hell is paved with amatas who “do it by feel”.

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  9. Ewwwwww pet hate? Double dipping. First the cougar spoon fed the cub her faux ice cream…then she went in for her taste…didn’t see where the spoon went then, but probably used it to dish up to the poor suckers/other contestants.

  10. I actually feel really sorry for them. They have their lives, they’re happy, they enjoy the food they make. From the show they seem quite insular, and it’s not hard to see why they they think they’re different and awesome. Sadly for them their whole shtick doesn’t work on a bigger stage.

  11. I know these people have signed up for the show but tonight was uncomfortable. I can’t help feeling that they were pushed to over do the PDA’s, which probably accounts for how uncomfortable they looked, and that the producers basically set them up for failure with that menu. I dunno, I just felt really bad for them.

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  12. I don’t know about you gice but I love a loose kiss. It’s also how I like my sores. The looser the better…. Like my oil. Thin is the new thick (top tip- oil helps loosen a sores if you’re shtruggling with this). In fact gice, why even bind ingredients together when they’re likely to separate eventually (oil and water….just sayn’)?

    Cougar: You got enough oil babe?
    Cub shouts over blender: I’m trying to make do with this baby tin (it’s a 2L) but who are we kidding? *chuckles*
    Cougar: Waay ahead of ya darl-pulls out the 20L drum
    She adds to the vat. Enough? His expert palate gives it the once over. *Shakes head*. Another few litres goes in. How bout now?
    Still no? Jeez am I gonna have to resort to the Geri cans?
    Cub: Whatever yaz got
    Cougar: OK but this is risky. She shrugs and stands over the vat and pisses dead in the center. ‘It’ll give it the acidity it needs babe. Plus with the caesar I just tasted, we’re just giving back.’

    Now that’s sorted, can I try some bacon?
    Cub: sure
    Both dig in and eat the best bits.
    Cub: you think there’ll be enough left?
    Cougar: Sure darl, they won’t even notice. Trust me. Cue lip pucker.

    Now lets try the fish. Mmm that is delicious. Try, she hand feeds, ‘mmm that IS good’. What they got was. While their finger lickn’ food party continues, so too does the fish cooking.

    Creme anglaise? Not a bother, just toss in a bita condensed milk n’ cream togeva. They’ll never know ay?

    Chocolate. What’s that? Let’s do cinnamon and pear babe, they won’t even notice (cue more fish lips). Sweet enough? Taste this…. Bit more I reckon…last of the brown sugar goes in.

    What sensory lacking prey exactly was she trapping with this concoction that she worked on tirelessly with her friend?

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    • OMG, Caloreee. I haven’t been watching MKR, but I might have to now.

      Thanks for not mentioning stools. On loose things. ????

      • Lol Daisy. Had I thought of it that would have made the cut too 😛

        I swore after the Cheshire cat and lurch sidekick I wouldn’t watch another MKR minute. But here we are. It’s easy to get sucked in (see below), esp. when it’s a free for all piss take.

        P.S. I forgot to mention the terribly slippery floor where cougar nearly went arse over tits. It was the great globules of oil forming a wading pool. Just as well she didn’t if the baps are anything to go by. Might not have been a shot that could be broadcast, or unseen by those at the front line.

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    • Toyboy thinks he’s landed a blowfish, one that really sucks,using his appalling sauce as bait.

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  13. My favourite comment tonight came from Manu: I don know was appening in ze kitchin tonigh bart you mus be able to cook if you made eet zees far.

    Bahahahahaha ???? How many years has he been doing this now?

    And neither are animal campaigners. Just look at the fur hats they’re both sporting.

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  14. Couldn’t help but notice Pete’s head at the start of the show, when he was checking out the menu. His scalp was very red – perhaps shaved too close!!
    The show is so contrived, how on earth did those two ever get through auditions. Odd couple indeed 🙂

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    • They got through not based on thier cooking skills but they were a joke and chosen so we coyld have a laugh. I am sure there were many teams who can cook better than them.

      I have no sympathy for Cougar and Toy Boy. She knew she was being filmed and she wants to be portrayed that way.

      The producers will always pick some really bad cooks for entertainment. I have no sympathy for Cougar and Toy boy. She knew she is being filmed and she wants to be portrayed

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  15. The odd love birds were on $unrise this morning. She likes Kochie…now that is odd.The toy boy is 25 or whatever but in ten years he’ll be as bald as Kochie and Ms Frozen Whipped Cream will just be a bad memory. She’s proud to be a cougar ~just like the ones you see on Dr.Phil..

    They’ve been together for a couple of years. The old chook picked him up at a casino bar. That’s better than a kindergarten, I suppose.

    Sure there are double standards about the age thing. That Curly sibling , for example was confessing her hots for Manu.. who has thirty years on her. No mileage for the producers there?

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    • The over-the-top fawning over Manu and Pete just … confuses me, to be honest. Manu’s not that handsome or attractive. He seems like a nice guy, but the fact that half the female contestants confess to having the hots for him? Makes me a little uncomfortable as a viewer. And while Pete is handsome, the fact he’s bat-shit-crazy is a definite turn-off.

      I know I’m kind of an idiot saying this (because I’m busy crushing *hard* on Jordan), but no I don’t get it.

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      • Agreed, Windsong. In my case I just find both of them too groomed, and french accents annoy me. Now Colin is more my style, but too young for me. He looks a little like Aiden Turner in my avatar.

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        • I don’t mind French accents, but that thing on Manu’s head is a bit troubling. Remember a couple of seasons ago where Manu’s hair just kept getting bigger and bigger? Talk about a great unsolved mystery …

  16. I am sick of all these fawning for Manu. O.k, for the first tme you meet him but not at every IR. So over the top. He looks terrible when he was out shopping with his wife/partner.

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  17. Yep, I too reckon Cougar & Toy are there for laughs only, but they did deliver. Lordy that salad was great- the drenched croutons, deciding over & underdone bacon is a good thing, the inedible garnish. This is pretty much why I watch Mkr.

    I can’t stand people who have mild panic attacks over their food, fgs an unpeeled carrot isn’t going to leap up and stab you in the neck. Zana’s hand-fluttering and “I can’t, I can’t” would drive me batty in minutes. She must be exhausting to be around.

  18. Hey Juz,
    Not MKR related per se but wanted to say thanks for setting this up and recapping!
    I was lost without reality ravings.
    Sadly hubby hates reality TV so I read the recaps here and decide if their worth streaming 🙂

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  19. How embarrassing for these people that build themselves up so high and then have so much further to fall.
    The way the Cougar sold themselves the night before, we had to know they were going to flop.
    I agree with you Littlepetal, Cougar knows exactly what she is doing and wants every bit of her dastardly behaviour televised to us.
    I couldn’t stand to watch another night of those two fawning all over each other, for me it was a finger down the throat job and that’s before I even get started on the shite food they dished up.

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    • What it will boil down to is maybe three couples who can cook to fight out the glittering finals. The rest are various losers ,bunny boilers and freaks to serve as cannon fodder for viewer dramas and for the judges to build up and knock down according to the producers demands. TV Weak and No Idea are in on the joke. You wanted a chocolate seduction but you get the cougar cacao comb over instead.

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      • Dave’s right. It’s been a long time since contestants were chosen simply because of their ability to cook. Zana and whatshisface were chosen because Zana’s kind of a jerk (editing can do a lot of things, but it can’t put words in your mouth, and when you’re sitting at a dining table opposite two police officers, and you tell them that “all the police we’ve ever dealt with have been horrific”, that just means you’re a tool), the Cougar and her cub were obviously chosen for their talent at cringe-inducing PDAs, etc.

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  20. Rachel Khoo used a hair dryer to achieve crispy skin on her show tonight.

    Having seen so many fails at crispy skin on MKR, this knowledge could be a real game changer.

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  21. These 2 were seriously the “WORST” cooking contestants I have ever witnessed on any reality cooking show. Was the most nausiating thing to watch and I daresay these 2 are probably responsible for the salmonella outbreak in lettuce over the past few days due to their ceaser salad.

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