Richie has whittled them down to Mysterious Olena, Home State Girl Nikki and Smother Mother Alex. Tonight he kicks one of the trio to the kerb. Tomorrow night is the finale, screening on Ten from 7.30pm to 9pm. Richie takes the final two to Bali (perhaps he’ll catch up with former Big Brother contestant Tully there again?) and will break someone’s heart. Unless it’s Olena he’s rejecting, as she seems made of sterner stuff.
And here’s a post from the Bachie Twitter account, so you gice can discuss the use of the word “fleek” …
— The Bachelor Aus (@TheBachelorAU) 9 September 2016
We start with Richie recapping the pros and cons of each girl. Pity the girls don’t get to do the same.
He’s doing some deep thinking while he does situps by the bachie pad lake, and even pretends to wipe his brow with a towel because he’s sweating from all the head hurty deep thoughts.
Richie decides to take the girls to his fave place: Indonesia. Alex has never been to Bali before. And she is calling him “Rich” (but Pooky Bear in private as she stabs voodoo dolls of Olena and Nikki).
Alex is wearing a black lace and netting playsuit which flashes her cheeks – and not the up-top kind. The producers make them ride bicycles in what is no doubt sweltering conditions and they must be the only people in Bali wearing safety helmets. Rich is so excited he’s even doing bunny hops on the bike. Time for a chat about how much her family loves him as they perch on a wall – not a couch, for once. Alex questions whether he could ever move to Melbourne (we know Richie is super close to his blonde mum – who raised him alone – and blonde sister). He avoids a straight answer but says he wouldn’t want her son to move schools as much as he did. Enough awkward talk; time for a rice paddy pash. Later on, they do find a cushion-strewn couch and she asks how his family would feel about him dating someone with a child. “They just want me to be happy,” he says. So, no answer, then.
Next up is Nikki, wearing a tropical-look playsuit and she suits the beachy Bali vibe. Straight away she grabs his head and pulls him in for a kiss. Nikki, the fellow West Aussie, has been to Bali a zillion times. They head off on some giant flying lilo thing that’s towed by a speedboat and afterwards have a pash wrapped up in beach towels. They follow up with time on the Bachie couch, surrounded by candles and Nikki again tells him she loves him. He tells her he would slot in easily to her family. Cue 2 minutes of adjectives about how awesome the other person is. “Good times, good times,” he concludes (throwing in a pash for good measure).
Now for Olena, also in a playsuit, but hers has bling. Since the hometown visit she’s started worrying about Richie living in WA while she’s in Sydney. Well, der. Richie throws out a lot of “myterious” and “intrigued” observations. They take a scooter ride to the beach and he loves surfing, so Olena must again pretend to like outdoorsy stuff. “How did your Mum feel about me?” he asks. “Umm …” she replies. Then she tells him her mum “has concerns” but doesn’t elaborate. They spend the next half hour pretending to enjoy surfing while mulling it over. Olena says her folks don’t want her to leave Sydney. Richie says he’s open to living in both cities but she’s still worried.”I see that as a huge mess for me; travelling back and forward for a relationship,” she tells the camera. Uh oh – she’s not making eye contact with him and they are playing the “something bad’s bout to happen music”. Later on, she’s in a leopard print kaftany thing and looking as fabulous as usual. Richie tries to drag some emotion out of her. She tells him her family think she’s living a fairy tale and ignoring “the real shit”. Ooh! He tells her he’s frustrated by her not acting all cray-cray for him from the get-go. “At the end of the day I’m thinking is it too much of a hassle for us to have a relationship,” she tells him. Olena lives in the real world, not Bachie la-la land.
Damn – I was sure she and Nikki would be final two but now he has no choice but to take Alex.
They get straight into it – no cocktail party chat. The girls are all in shiny dresses and poor Osh and Rich have to swelter in suits. Nikki gets the first rose. The music builds to a crescendo and he picks Alex. Olena looks a bit nervy, like she’s trying to breathe calmly. She and Richie exchange pleasantries about how they want each other to be happy and it’s like two strangers making polite conversation at a dinner party.
Alex and Nikki get to meet his Mum, who asks questions like: “So, you’re not a basket case?” We hear Nikki tell the camera she’s confident it’s her. The finale screens tomorrow on Ten, from 7.30-9pm.