Bachelor in Paradise – episode 2

Can we cut straight to the big question: What discount does the Bachie wardrobe department get for ordering men’s linen shirts in bulk?
Tonight no doubt the Flo/Davey/Jake drama continues. I’d like to see Flo kick them both to the kerb but we already know it will be the other canon fodder we’ve seen all too briefly.
RECAP
Flo and Jake head off on their date, walking through the rainforest to a waterfall.
Meanwhile, back at the resort Davey is moping around, whining that he likes Flo. He’s decided to wear a felt hat because that’s the perfect thing for the hot, Fijian summer climate.
We get a shot of Nina and Eden (the one no one remembers) having a nap together on a day lounge. And apparently Leah has told Mack he’s safe. So there go two of my early boot predictions.
All the boys are running the numbers for tonight’s looking rose ceremony and they are worried.
Here to add fuel to the fire is Sam. Remember voiceover man Sam with the odd blond ponytail? He made such a good start to Sophie’s season, turning up with his gorgeous little nephews. And it was all downhill from there.
Blake is ecstatic to see his bro Sam and they embrace passionately. Tara is not so happy:”No f—in way – he’s not getting a rose from me – I’ll tell you that much.” We definitely like Tara.
Nina and Lisa share her opinion – ticks for both of you. Davey sees the arrival of another dude as the final nail in his coffin. Keira could well pick someone like Sam just to stir things up.

Flo and Jake have a big pash at the waterfall despite her saying she does not want to give in to his magnetism.
We learn Clooney Luke really likes Lisa and apparently Tara and Michael have been hanging out.
And we learn they need to edit The Bachelor and Bachelorette like they do Bachiedise, because it’s fun seeing the outtakes of them talking to producers and demonstrating many of them have a limited grasp of English. Even the subtitler is quick to go for a gag by making it clear Keira does not know the difference between dreads and dregs. Even though he’s a dread, Keira is leaning towards giving newbie Sam her rose – his mocking of Bachie Richie probably helped.

Flo and Blake return and Davey acts like a kid who had his Tiny Teddies stolen by Jake. Jake has said several times he does not like drama. YOU ARE ON A REALITY TV SHOW! It’s nothing BUT drama. Meanwhile, Flo tells the girls she might not give Jake a rose. Davey’s still in with a shot. Everyone else is keen to discuss how things will pan out.


Michael, it seems, is not part of the bro gang. The talk then turns to Mr I Don’t Have a Girlfriend. Apparently his girlfriend could be coming on the show, so Tara has asked the other girls to keep him around. Hmmm – not cool. (The interweb says this is his Not Girlfriend – she’s from Matty J’s season. bio here)
But before that drama can explode here comes Ms Dirty Street Pie herself, Laurina. We learn that at home she likes to write inspirational mantras in her journal. She arrives at the resort with a date card. Blake’s eyes light up. I don’t think he knows who she is. He whisks her to the side almost instantly and tells her he has reevaluated some of his more douchey behaviour since appearing on TV. Hopefully this also means no more assaulting people.
Michael tells the camera he woudn’t mind a crack at Laurina himself, if things don’t work out with Blake.
Laurina’s date consists of them being told to lather themselves in volcanic mud. I notice neither of them puts mud in the other’s hair, because they are both no doubt proud of their hair. They end up having a pash in the water. Blake seems genuinely smitten. Laurina is matter of fact about it.


Meanwhile, a furiously fanning Tara is upset at the perception she is pressuring the others to keep Mr I Don’t Have a Girlfriend. There are tears on the beach and our first plaintive wail of “I don’t wanna be here!”.


Tara did not know Brett and Steph had told the producers they were both single. A producer straight out asks if he is in a relationship and after many politician-worthy avoidances he says they were seeing each other previously but it was never Facebook official. Total douche move. Tara has been played so they can get a free holiday.

Later, Osher interrupts an impromptu volleyball game to announce the rules of the first rose ceremony. So it’s back to the Flo-Jake-Davey triangle.
(By the way, can the producers please make the contestants wear more sunscreen. Blake’s nose was bright red and Flo’s back, too. I fear for ranga Jarrod.)
Everyone’s keen to know who she will pick.

The rose ceremony begins.
The first lot of picks all goes as expected: Nina and new beau Eden, Leah and Mack, Keira and Sam – whose hair is looking worse than ever thank to the humidity, Lisa and Luke, Laurina and Blake, Tara and Michael.
Flo is last and looks like she is trying not to vomit. She picks Jake.
So Davey and Mr No Girlfriend are gone. Does that mean Ms No Boyfriend Steph will no longer be coming on the show?

In the promo, we see Flo kicking herself for picking Jake and Megan (the one who dated Tiffany from the Richie season – that’s season where Richie gave the final rose to Alex and she also ditched him for a woman.) Ali and Jarrod also arrive and it seems the new love triangle is Ali, Jarrod and Keira. The question is: does Ali know she is in triangle. It’s probably more a love line.

And that’s it until next Monday – a whole week until we go back to Bachiedise! I’ll leave you with this demonstration of Keira’s mastery of the English language.



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67 Comments

  1. Blake and Michael have that pretty boy vibe going on. Not a manly man.
    Kiera is stirring the pot. Love it.
    And I think Sam is just about to walk in. He was a douche on Sophie ‘s season, let’s see if he has matured. I doubt it.

  2. And not only does Sam have high expectations he has a “high” persons oppinion of himself
    I just want to brush his hair, says Michael. Ha ha

  3. I don’t like Brett.
    When he was going on about “the chicks have all the power”. that was really off putting.

    Kiera made me laugh when she said Sams hair looked like the left over dregs. Kiera is funny.

  4. I was just thinking Michael reminds me of Tracey from mafs. His just had a bit too much work done. It looks like he is wearin a mask.

  5. Apparently the women have to verbally consent to anything sexual after us drama.
    I hope Laurina consented to creepy Blake coating her boobies with mud.
    Plus, who is this infamous Steph?

  6. Is anyone else hoping that Davey is one of the first blokes to be eliminated?

    Not because he’s an immature player, but because he’s turned really whiny and annoying.

    I really want Sam to have grown up a little (and maybe purchased a comb, or a bottle of shampoo or something), but I have a feeling he’s just going to disappoint me again.

    OTOH, I want Michael to join Tara in narrating the whole series. I gave up on Sam Frost’s season (because she had the personality of wet cardboard), so I missed getting to know him, but I’m growing quite fond of him. Even his weirdly-perfect teeth.

    • Michael would have more cred if a few of those teeth were knocked out to complement the macho tattoos.

      Michael has a rodent like head and the teeth just add to the vibe.

      • I’m not getting a gay-vibe from Michael, but he’s definitely not a blokey sort of a bloke. The ultra-kewl tattoos seem like he’s trying too hard to be macho.

        It makes him kind of a puzzle. I can see the appeal.

  7. Sam: So who was the Bachelor on your season?
    Kiera: Richie.
    Sam: Who’s Richie?
    Kiera: Exactly.

    … BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I laughed so hard that I think I scared the neighbours. When did Kiera become the voice of sanity? Because I don’t want her to go.

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  8. Maybe I spoke too soon wanting some guy/guy romance to counter the girls hooking up. Davey randomly kissed MIchael’s shoulder when they were talking to Tara, and earlier, Sam leaped into Luke’s arms and told him to grab his butt. I’m okay with this.

    And I know it’s the point of the show, but I’m actually liking watching all the couples slowly gravitate towards each other in the background while all the Jake/Flo/Davey drama goes on in the foreground.

    And I’m loving Kiera’s sense of humour, more and more as we go on.

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    • I said “OMG” out loud at this point.
      No guy I know would do this unless he was gay, and no guy I know would let it happen unless he was that way inclined.
      I picked one but not the other.

    • Yeah, it feels like Tara was thrown under the bus (there’s that bus again) by Brett and this Steph character. Abs or not, Brett hasn’t come off great, about the whole situation, and I imagine he won’t be receiving a rose tonight.

    • Bachelor In Paradise Dictionary

      “jawannagoonadatewifme?”
      “sorta”
      “kinda”
      “litrilly”
      “babes”
      “abs”
      “love”
      “youse”
      “rose”
      “AVO”

  9. I know I will be a lone voice here, but I never took to Flo in the Bach. I still haven’t warmed to her. And I sure didn’t like the tattoo between her boobs.

    I think Leah and Keira are playing safe by keeping in dorky guys.

    • I kinda think Kiera picked Sam because they were both new, and everybody else had already started coupling up, so neither of them wanted to rock the boat. Plus, when they were sitting at the bar drinking and mocking everyone, it seemed like they were at least connecting on a friendship level. So I can see why she picked him to hang around.

      But then I’ve always found Sam’s awkward immaturity kind of weirdly charming (although the hair would require some questions), which might say bad things about me, but I’d date him.

      • And thank goodness Windsong that we do all fancy different types and different looks. No shamethere.
        I like a guy who is funny, tidy, average looking, smart, generous, down to earth, a good listener, kind, fit, a man of God…….😜

        • Hehehehe. I didn’t watch Blake’s season, but Laurina seems terrifying.

          I haven’t spotted Sam in many (or any) of the previews for upcoming episodes, so I doubt he sticks around for very long. Kiera seems to develop a connection with Jarrod (which should be fun to watch), and everyone else has already coupled up.

          Plus, I giggled when he jumped into Luke’s arms and told him to grab his butt. See, that’s something Sam and I would already have in common :).

      • Leah and Keira will probably stick with the dorks just to extend their tv exposure. I wonder if Lisa will want to get involved in that argument. We are seeing more reality than I had expected.

        BTW I loved Tara’s crotcheted bikinis.

  10. I tried to get a pic of the tatt between her boobs. How old is Flo? She doesn’t look fit. I am picking on the back folds. Swimming would be a good exercise for her.

    • This guy is a douche. He still doesn’t get it.
      It’s a dating show for singles, not a dating show for already-in-a-relationship-but-just-want-to-have-a-holiday/15-mins-of-additional-fame/sex-on-tv.
      And I am assuming they get paid. No one would put themselves through this for nothing and Fiji is not exactly a holiday on anyone’s top 5 holiday destinations.

  11. What do they expect? How is Brett going to get a rose when he is not interested in any of the girls before Steph arrive. Did he expect Tara to give him a rose? so he can wait for Steph to arrive?

    Brett is just naive about reality TV

    • And Tara’s not silly. If she chose Brett, as soon as Steph arrived she’d be out on her ear.
      Brett’s stoopid rather than naive.

    • I’d hope she identifies more as bisexual than purely into women, because dropping a lesbian into the middle of a heterosexual dating show seems kind of mean.

      Meanwhile, Michael’s still rubbing sunscreen lotion onto Luke’s abs, one at a time. *shrug*

      • It just wouldn’t work out. They would have to put two lesbians or two gay guys and then they would only choose each other. They would need to do a whole series Gay in Paradise. And why wouldn’t you be gay? It’s Paradise.

  12. If one of the girls give the rose to another girl, then 2 guys will have to leave.

    Before I was a Megan fan for being herself with Ritchie. But now, yuk. All she is doing is just getting her 15 secs of fame. Just posting on instagram. Dont these people work???

  13. I don’t think many of them work in real jobs. Too busy promoting themselves to all and sundry and coming up with outrageous behaviour to gain publicity.
    There are a few exceptions like the fireman, forgot his name on Georgia’s season, the tradie that won on Georgia’s season and a couple of others .

    • Gosh, I can’t even remember who won Georgia’s season. Are they even still together? Neither Sam or Sophie stuck with the guy they chose (for very long). Richie picked Alex, and Alex realised she was a lesbian (like every other girl Richie seemed to date. Seriously, Richie, dude). At least Matty J and Laura are still going strong, right?

        • Oh yeah, Lee! The guy with the donkey! I totally forgot about him.

          I’m glad they’re still together. He was nice. And hot as lava.

          • You’re doing well. I’ve been trying all day to remember him. The donkey’s a helpful hint.

            Speaking of donkeys, Ch 10 are promoting Jarrod’s arrival as if it’s the Second Coming. I don’t understand.

          • Well Kiera’s arrival was a breath of fresh air. Someone needs to be there to point out how absurd the whole thing is.

            So I’m kind of looking forward to seeing Jarrod again. Hopefully this time he doesn’t get his heart shattered into a thousand pieces live on television, thanks channel 10.

      • The promos are suggesting Keira will have a meltdown on Sunday night and that Jarrod/ Keira and Ali will have a love triangle happening at the ahem, root of it.

        Unless it’s old footage Keira will be crying like Niagara Falls.

        Blake upsets Laurina at the rose ceremony. He either forgets her name or doesn’t give her a rose that she’s banked on getting. Bad luck, Donald Duck.

        I don’t want to see Jarrod hurt again, either, and flopping along a beach in a world of pain.

        • Keira says, “I don’t want anyone to see me cry”. She does know how often we have all seen her blubber like a baby with 3 day nappy rash, right?

  14. I am struggling to remember most of them, with or without donkeys or any other livestock. I remember the dorkiest ones so I guess my brain filtered out everyone else.

  15. I’m not sure if anyone will see this but I’m watching a replay of gogglebix in Saturday night.
    So it’s Davy’s eviction.
    Something I’ve been thinking about a lot as I have no life.
    Davy acts as the fun loveable larrikin. But he has the devil in his eyes. Whenever he feels threatened or if he is evicted as he was , you can see it flash across his face. I don’t think he would be that fun to cohabit with. Jealous, posssesive, controlling. And in my mothers words “ he probably wears a wife beater” which is a navy blue bonds style singlet

    • That helped me as I wanted to watch the encore because an AFL game was on Thurs night. Didn’t know it waas on.

      I think Davey was the larrikin but just not lovable.

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