Daisy is kindly doing us another recap for the fourth MAFS. In the meantime, make sure you read her rundown from last night.
Here we go:
The show tonight begins, as usual, with a summary of highlights and lowlights so far. Then we get down to the couples facing the daily grind of wedded bliss, although it seems some aren’t doing any grinding at all. The producers attempt to give the show some credibility by calling in sexperts, who call the coupling a “social experiment”, when we really know it has much more to do with satisfying our voyeurism and making somebody rich.
Tonight Christie kicks the show off by packing her authentic Greek cowboy boots, worn by authentic Greek cowboys. They are actually really city girl boots because farmers wear old rubber boots with cow poo all over them. Mark’s farm is gorgeous, but remote for Christie, who has a meltdown having to commute 7 hours to get to work, Mark has been a real Prince Charming, leaving gifts in the forest for Christie, and it’s melting her heart, but she can’t see it working with the distance. Christie is showing she isn’t too much of a princess, as she isn’t work shy, although I am guessing her helping Mark with the calves was staged. To everyone who is asking, “Could the sexperts have got this couple any more wrong?”, the answer is not even if they tried.
Tonight, the shine is coming off Xavier and he is being a boring narcissist. He executes his daily health and beauty routines with clockwork precision, then lobs on the couch watching sport on tv, and doesn’t even lift his feet for Simone to sit down. I think by now Simone is well aware that Xavier is in love…..with Xavier. When boring homebody, Xavier finally takes Simone on a date, it’s to the beach, but it must have been a dull date because the filmcrew pack up and leave, and we see nada from them. There will be no 1st anniversary for this couple.
Erin packs her bags with several pairs of designers stilettos, and her personal valet and porter arrives to help her move. I love the symbiosis between these two. Symbiosis from what I recollect from high school biology, is where two different organisms fit very well together because each get something from the other. I think Erin senses in Bryce a good mix of Prince Charming and personal assistant who will enable her to continue her pampered lifestyle. Never the less, to provide some storyline, and in the hope that she might accidentally set fire to the kitchen, the producers decide that Erin will go to the farmers’ market then make a lasagne. Amazingly she manages to do both with a lot of help from technology….she had to phone her mum to ask how to chop a carrot (staged). Anyhow, it turns out Erin actually cooks like a famous celebrity chef…..Gordon Ramsey; “Sh*t, fu*k, sh*t”. Proud new hubby returns with a “Honey, I’m home”, to find that Erin has transformed into June Cleaver (google it, young ones), right down to cooking in her jewels, although with June, it was pearls and a twin set. Don’t get used to it Bryce. It will either be you cooking or Erin’s mum bringing potroast when she comes to collect the laundry and do the vacuuming. Out of the 4 couples, this pair seem to have a bit of a chance of seeing the first 6 months out.
Now down to producers’ pick for the evening. Clare and Jono provided most of tonight’s entertainment, although it’s painful to watch these two trying to make the best of it. Tidy, clean Jono discovers that there are 3 animals at Clare’s place; two dogs and a dead mouse in the fridge. How the hell does anyone get a dead mouse in their fridge? Seems like Clare is a bit of a piggy, so that makes 4 animals. A piggy with a puggy. 🐷
Keeping it G rated for the kiddies, Jono loves watching cartoons, and going to bed without sex. It’s Jono’s pick for TV night, and he chooses Frozen. Clare and Fugly make their contempt for Jono’s immature taste in movies apparent, although I suspect Fugly secretly loves 100 and 1 Dalmations. Tonight I discover that Farting Fugly is actually a girl named Dutch, surname Oven. By now Clare’s pattern of man fixing has emerged. And here is her list of improvements she has pencilled in for Jono so far:
1. Stop being a sook. 2. Stop “throwing tantrums”, (inflamatory choice of words sure to cause more anger). 3. Learn deep breathing. 4. Improve you dental hygiene. Besides being a boyfriend fixer, Clare is a button pusher, so that everytime Jono calms down and comes up for air she dunks his head in the toilet again. Poor Clare. Nice girl but she doesn’t recognize that she is making Jono into a project, yet aggravating him and pushing his buttons. An average day for Clare, 1. Give Jono a wedgie. 2. Throw a bag of warm dog poo at him. 3. Call him a cry baby. 4. Try and force him to practice yoga breathing. In the end, you could tell even Fugly didn’t want any part of it.
Anyway, Jono really doesn’t want a Clare make over. She might even have a dog collar and a man sized pink cravat for him. So Jono does a bunk and Clare has a cry.
Next week we are promised a shocking twist, a dramatic break-up, a shattered heart and the most explosive dinner party yet. Feel free to speculate. I will go with Fugly throws off the pink cravat, does one last fart and runs off to be with Jono. 😆😆