Married at First Sight – Mon, Week 3

Many thanks to our MAFS correspondent, Daisy, for her recap:

Tonight the newlyweds meet together at a dinner party and it’s as pleasant was watching Clockwork Orange or Pet Cemetry. Clare and Jono are already divorced, with Clare getting custody of the kids, uncontested. Thankfully Fugly has been spared any more appearances. As Dr Phil says, “You don’t involve the children in adult issues”. Jono tells his mates, Dazza and Guzza, that Clare wasn’t what he ordered, which sounds cold but to be fair, if you told a dating agency you wanted an Amish virgin and they gave you a lap dancer, you might say the same thing. Anyhow, Guzza points out to Jono, “Maybe you’re not what she ordered”, and I suspect he isn’t.

Couples prepare to meet and possibly outdo each other in the loved-up couple contest. Bryce gets excited by imagining little Erin in his grandmothers undies. And Erin wonders why animals always start copulating whenever she walks by. Maybe it’s because she says, “F*ck. F*ck”. Erin is endearing herself to Bryce, me and viewers with her goofy comments. Bob, I think it was Bob, got Erin right. I am liking her. Hands up if it was you who called it first, Bob.

Couples get comfy in their assigned overnight accomodation. Erin and Bryce get the Bat Cave and immediately start checking out the freebies. Kristy and Mark get a beautiful treehouse with views of the lovely Auusie bush. Kristy is all smiles, kisses and cuddles now, which is much more attractive on her than a scowl. Kristy and Mark get pole dancing facilities. Xavier and Simone get a luxurious 2 storey cabin but Simone is not impressed at the producers removing the bush dunny door. They have not progressed to weeing and pooing together.

Gluttons for punishment, (or bound by the producers’ contract), Clare and Jono are back to torment each other some more. They are given a rustic, romantic bush cottage but it’s not enough to get these two kissing again. I would say it’s really over between these two, but for the sake of filming obligations they bravely soldier on.

At this point the sexperts interject to say, “The dinner party is where couples get to compare themselves with other couples”, which really shows how little they know, because comparing yourself with others is for losers. It will either make you smug, envious, or feeling inadequate. The couples arrive at dinner, the women wobbling through the bush on spike heels. It doesn’t take long for the tension between Clare and Jono becomes obvious, especially when they arrive at the party separately. But both try and hold it together, and I know that this will last only until someone dares to ask them how things have been. It’s Kristy who goes first with the questions, and now it turns to animosity. The more they speak, the angrier they each become. I like both Clare and Jono, but Clare just doesn’t recognize her habit of criticizing Jono and attempting to educate him as though she is the Dalai Lama. Clare needs a very different type of guy. One who likes getting dog poo thrown at him, and self-improvement lessons from his girl friend.

Things for Clare and Jono go from bad to worse, and Clare has to excuse herself for a cry. Lovely Simone is the girl who has to run after the girl who runs off crying. You all know the drill. Simone is beautiful, inside and out. With Simone’s encouragement, Clare regains her composure and rejoins the table. She also resumes her criticism of Jono.
She said she wanted to have sex, but Jono was a ghost husband. Jono said, regarding sex, “You’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t”. Once the other couples start probing for information from Jono and Clare, Jono tries to be diplomatic but Clare starts bagging Jono and you can feel he wants to explode, but he holds back.

Couples start sticking up for Jono. Xavier tells Clare, “Let him speak”. Kristy says, “Give Jono back his balls”. But winner of the Dr Phil and Judge Judy straight shooting award goes to Erin. Little Erin jumps in with her pearls of wisdom and insight, and tells Clare that she kept criticizing Jono, and he had not spoken ill of her. She does it with such directness, yet with a certain charm that leaves Clare unable to take offence. Yes, whoever it was who said they liked Erin (Bob I think), I am a convert. She is a gem. I mean Sh*t, she is a gem. She really has spunk.

So couples return to their cabins to mull over the evening. Most to feel thankful that they aren’t Clare and Jono. We don’t see Clare. She’s done. But Jono is in his spa, alone. In spite of Clare’s earlier accusation that only she was in it for love Jono is disappointed that it didn’t work out. He poignantly removes his wedding ring for the cameras. My guess he already chucked it four days before. Please producers, give these two another shot at reality love….but not with each other.

Next week couples meet the parents and it looks like more tears and broken hearts are in store. I genuinely feel sorry for Clare and Jono. They are the collateral damage of sadistic producers who set them up to fail. Jono needs a small brunette who doesn’t preach, and doesn’t throw poo or dead snakes at him, then call him a sissy. Clare needs a brute who is scared of nothing, hates feel-good cartoons and will throw dog poo back at her.

So viewers, which holiday accomodation did you like the best. And who did YOU like tonight? Who will last? And would you date a preacher? Face with stuck-out tongue and winking eye And why did Woolif look at me funny when I said Clare nagged too much? ๐Ÿ˜‘



    • Anyone else draw the line at having pets, wildlife or any kind of livestock, including poultry in their bed? Stinky and not hygeinic.

  1. Kristy and Mark get the tree house. They loved it and jumped about so I couldn’t get a clear photo of them.

  2. The beauty of the bush and the lovely bush shack didn’t help their relationship. Clare fights with the “You always….” and “You never….” inflamatory words.

      • Yeah, that was one of the standout lines of the night. “Funny how she talks about distance”. I would bet Mark and Kristy were the other couple chosen for failure. Putting seasick girl on a boat. Giving full on city girl, a remote farmer. Making her ride a horse through rough terrain like she was The Man from Snowy River. Then giving her a guy where she has to commute 7 hours to work everyday. Yeah, a match made in producer heaven. I bet none of that was what she ordered either. Lucky for her, she didn’t have a cheeky sense of humour or she might have uttered those incriminating words too.

    • It’s a fairly typical male female dynamic. The woman wants discussion and resolution. The man wants to go fishing or run to the tool shed to avoid the discussion.

      What you have to do ladies is send an email. It works for me. Memo to Woolif…..

  3. Clare doesn’t like Jono’s version. She wants him to be the bad guy. So she bags him out more to everyone.,

  4. But continues to bag Jono, implying he wasn’t genuine. Xavier steps in, “Let him speak” says Xavier.

  5. Finally Erin speaks up and shows us she is one smart young lady. Nicely and diplomatically, she points out to Clare that she has been picking on Jono. You go girl!

    • I think the group bonded with Jono more than with Clare so were more likely to side with him. She was put at a deliberate disadvantage to arrive last to the group function. How much later was her arrival?

      Generally, when someone presents a genial countenance to the public but are absolutely horrid behind close doors, the other person can get quite frustrated that others can’t see what they see and they in turn are the one that can come off as the aggressor and not the other way around. #justsaying

      • Possibly, except Clare was doing this pattern of criticism when they were alone. Jono had taken to her but it was the critical language such as “tantrums”, “princess”, ” don’t be a bitch” that got him annoyed, not the colour of her hair. If I only saw this picking from her last night then I might think Jono was a bad guy but it was evident to me like a sore thumb. He looked as genuinely disappointed and wounded as she did.

        She was like, bait him, then pounce on him for reacting. Tease and torment, then complain that he didn’t have the character she thought he should have. She rejected him more than he rejected her because from cartoons to crocodiles, she riduculed him for the way he was.

        But don’t get me wrong, the producers are the bad guys here.

    • This is where we think the ‘experiment’ overstepped and required intervention from the ‘experts’ who were looking upon the contestants like lab rats.

      There were issues. Clare was not handling the situation well (and the evident insecurities). That was apparent from the ‘break-up’. Did they counsel her in the interim and the meal? Or were they happy for her to unbundle that hurt in front of the others?

      Jono was not even in that relationship as she was ‘not what he ordered’ so from the onset there was a mismatch.

      Statistically, it is grim for women Clare’s age. I think it was Bernard Salt, demographer with KPMG who observed that a 32 yo woman has as much chance of marrying as an 80 yo. Men in the younger woman’s category are taken (three of those couples are paired with younger men) and the 80 yo, well they are dead.

      Jono was rubbing salt in the wounds while appearing as the ‘victim’.

      • I think it was a slaughter for both Jono and Clare. I don’t think I have ever seen anyone have worse RTV experience than those two who seemed, like Kristy and Mark, deliberately mismatched. I mean why would you put Kristy and Mark together when they live in different states?

        My 80 year old mum will be pleased to hear those stats.

        • The cynic within would be the producers wanted to re-create the Lachlan-Clare relationship as that was the narrative that drove season one. He is on the farm (and if it fails we have a farmer for FWAW) and she is older and desperate for children so how much of her life is she willing to give up to achieve that.

          The experts seem not to take into account lifestyle/class and educational differences and how important it is for people to be matched on that as well.

          What is disturbing is the experts seem to want the couple to ‘fix’ the other. Less textbook and more Mills and Boon.

          • Yes. I think the producers want at least one failure, blow-up, melt down. And sure, it works for the show. Clare and Jono provided nearly all the debate and story-line. They will be the ones who will have viewers talking and taking sides. But it was still a bitch of a show last night. I felt like I was knitting at a viewing of a gullotine beheading. It was awful expoitation of Clare and Jono. The cameras would have made sure they got every wrong move to blow up the story.

  6. Jono was just on Today. He said that when he saw Clare he did not say that’s not what I ordered. He said he was blown away by her looks. He didn’t say one bad word about her in the interview and he didn’t complain about the production.

    If I am pro Jono, it’s because I am not a fan of fixer upper type behaviour, male or female. If you want to do a reno, go on a reno show. I thought Jono was fine as he was.

  7. Even though she didn’t say the words, Clare rejected Jono before and more than he rejected her. She did it with a smile and a “I want to help you be a better person”. She did it everytime she sighed, or mocked everything about him, from him liking cartoons, to not being able to fix the bead (she shakes head, “how is this easy for me and difficult for him?), to his fear of crocs, to his way of dealing with conflict by walking away. She wanted him to be someone else.

    But don’t worry Maz. Bob will be on board to agree with you. If thoe producers and experts had had any sense of professional responsibility, they might have helped Clare by suggesting she ease up niggling at Jono. Sure he looked pissed off, but that constant belittling would piss most guys off.

    • Yes, Clare was snide about the animation (just mean), the crocs & snakes (cruel) and the dog excrement (too far) and the breathing exercises would not have elicited a positive response from me (there would be swearing and eye rolling from me) but as you stated the relationship counsellors should have stepped in. Not give a piece to camera about M/F communication behaviours.

      By not stepping in , they leave the impression that their pairing was set up for failure and not any attempt to connect two people.

  8. Look at this sad and disappointed face.

    I will never be able to “fix” Woolif ever again now. He will call me Clare. In fact I have even suggested he go to meditation classes myself.
    “Just breathe Darling”. Guilty. ๐Ÿ˜

  9. Jono and Clare, if you read this blog, we wish you well. We know that you are both probably, as Erin put it, really nice people. I hope you both find partners who bring out the best in you.

    Do these producers have a heart? I think not.

  10. BTW, where do they dig up these really unethical “psychologists”. At the Jerry Springer school of psychiatric therapy? No decent psych would make lab rats of people like this. Except Dr Phil.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *