The Bachelor – Aug 4 – You’ve Gotta Have Faith

Faith gets the date card and as she waits on a dock for Richie the camera operator fixates lovingly on her ample bosom. Richie rocks up in aviator sunnies and a tux, pretending to know how to drive a speedboat and that there’s not a cameraman crouched awkwardly under the dash, filming him.
As affable as ever, Bachie spouts his lines with enthusiasm.


Faith has an extensive knowledge of maritime vehicles. ‘I’ve never been in a … uh … is this a yacht?” she asks. (“What do ya call these, love?” “Rissoles.”)
Luckily Richie seems to enjoy her ditziness.
They meet Dennis the flair bartender, who juggles up some martinis for them , makig me ponder if Tom Cruise still has any of the skills he learnt on the set of Cocktail.

Back at the house, it’s time for the group date card, and it’s singer Eliza, Georgia, Bacon Girl Noni, Sophie, Rachael, mysterious Olena and Villian Keira.
Back on the date Richie and Faith are obviously freezing as they frolick in the pool but luckily playing pool basketball encourages a great deal of skin-on-skin action. Richie loves that Faith is so competitive but can have a laugh as well.
“She dominated,” he says with a straight face.
They have a chat about love, family, morals and stuff.
“Yeah, I really like you,” he tells her, then they go the pash.


She returns to the house clutching a rose, telling the others “I don’t kiss and tell”. Faith seems more low maintenance than some of the other girls.

The group date begins and the Keira is relieved to learn it’s not going to be as strenuous as last time’s sumo roller derby date. But Bacon Girl, aged 25, is worried to learn the nature of the date: “I twerk; I don’t do ballroom dancing.” C’mon – don’t make me change your name from Bacon Girl to Miley Cyrus.
Osher reminds us that Richie showed his breakdancing skills in The Bachelorette but, sadly, does not call for a demo. Missed opportunity, Oshie!
Sophie the invisible brunette is getting camera time, so she’s a goner. The girls learn there will be a dance off and the winner gets more time with Bachie. First, they have to pick a partner and stupidly no-one goes near Richie, so Keira swoops in. But apparently she has a sore arm (presumably from the roller derbying) so can’t hold her waltz frame properly. The other girls are appropriately sympathetic. “She just needs to toughen up,” Mean Girl Rachael tells the camera.
After some practising with each other, the girls get to sit to one side like wallflowers, watching longingly as, one by one, they waltz with Richie.
Surprisingly Olena, who carries herself with such poise, is a rubbish dancer. “Watching Olena is hilarious. She is just awkward and unco,” Kaira laughs to camera.


Keira is last to dance and does her moves hamming it up sultrily. She is picked as the winner by the producers – ahem – Richie.
Her prize is a dress that is apparently worth $6500 but looks like Spotlight was having a special on bulk buys of black and white tulle.


She has to walk down the staircase in the giant dress and it’s obvious they didn’t know what to do with her hair. Why not slick it back?
Most of the girls say nice things … Most.
“She just to me doesn’t look like Cinderella – more like the Wicked Witch,” says Mean Girl Rachael to camera. I wonder if Rachael knows she’s the secret villain of the show or if, like Princess Emily last year, she’s oblivious? Keira knows she’s a villain and relishes her role.
Keira and Richie head outside for a horse and carriage ride and Keira does a hilarious royal wave to the others, who head back to the house to prank the other contestants that Keira was sent packing.
Sadly they crack and tell the truth straight away, and speculation turns to whether Keira’s demeanour on the date will be better than usual.
“What – crying, whingeing, complaining?” quips Georgia. But Marja – beautiful, invisible Marja the yoga teacher and actress – sticks up for her: “You’d be surprised – there’s a softer side to Keira and I think that that will come out if Richie’s alone with her.”

Meanwhile, Richie and Keira are dancing in a fairy light-strewn garden to the tune of a string quartet. She’s a graceful dancer.
As usual, the girls have been herded into the kitchen to await the return of the datee, and Keira twirls her gown to reveal she got a rose.


She seems happy with how things went, until singer Eliza speaks.

“Keira, I’m so happy for you, darling,” she starts, then takes her to task in a mild tone for seeming ungrateful to be spending time with Richie earlier. Have I been watching too much UnREAL or did a producer tell Eliza to poke the bear in return for more air time?
It escalates from there and Keira walks out. The others avoid eye contact.

It’s cocktail party time and Sophie is saying she reckons she’s safe, so she’s definitely gone.
Alex is dithering over the white rose while Eliza is getting angsty over not having cleared the air with Keira. Kiki tells her to chill while Noni, forgetting – or not caring – there are 10 cameras on her, readjusts her boobs so they are sitting more comfortable in her strappy dress.
Eliza insists on trying to apologise to Keira despite repeatedly being asked to leave it for another time. OMG – what is Mean Girl Rachael wearing?
rachwhiteoutfit
What’s with all the chokers, halter necks and weird scarves this season? Rachael tells Alex she can’t use the white rose until she herself has chatted with Richie. Just kidding – ha ha – but if you do I will totally kill you – just kidding … Sleep with one eye open, Alex.
Alex sheds a little tear as she lets Rachael grab Richie, wistfully waiting for Richie to come to her rather than play the white rose.

It’s rose time …


And it’s goodbye to brunettes Sophie and Marja, who seemed kind.
Sophie hugs Richie and whispers: “Look after Nikki.” (Indeed, Nikki was looking a bit shell-shocked at the cocktail party – perhaps she’s just realising he could be pashing a lots of girls).

at least you won't have to wear this dress again, Sophie.

at least you won’t have to wear this dress again, Sophie.


Bye, Marja.

Bye, Marja.

Next week
It looks like Alex finally gets a single date with Richie and she’s so in lurrve and she’s going to lock him in her cellar forever and ever, while the other girls get those fake babies they use to try and scare American teenagers into abstinence. This could be fun.



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28 Comments

  1. Yeah, I was pretty stunned at the preview for next week. A group date with fake babies? What insanely over-paid nutjob in channel 10 came up with that, as an idea? I mean, what?

    Pretty much every review I’ve read has pointed out that poor Sophie was the invisible girl. She had like 10 seconds of camera-time in 4 episodes. Same with Marja the Yoga Instructor. I’ll miss her, too. Can we get odds on the next couple of eliminated girls being brunettes?

    • Marja was on Studio 10 this morning. She said she was relieved to go as she didn’t really fancy Ritchie all that much, and she was glad to be back home with her family etc etc, and has met a lovely man.

      • Not unusual for those eliminated early to say they were happy to go as it will be obvious that there were no chemistry between the Bachelor and the contestants.

        At least they got their 15 secs of fame

    • Sam Frost might have said there are “no plants” but I think there are. Clearly they plant a villain and a loony.
      I think Keira will watch this and try and stop that ugly teeth swip habit. Keira and Rachel have resting bitch face.
      The white rose is obviously designed to crate jealousy and friction. I think the girls need to stop whinging about Alex using it. It could work for or against the user. It csn give the Bach more time to see if the girl is awful.

  2. ‘God makes them and God puts them together’ said someone or other.
    There will be someone who thinks that both Kiera and Janey are perfect for them.
    I find Batchie Ritchie such an oddball that I wouldn’t have been surprised if he didn’t love being sung to. If Eliza was blonde I would have said that she had it in the bag.
    The editing (or the Australian inability to string a sentence together) is making him seem a bit shallow.

  3. Did we even see one conversation at the cocktail party or just all the teeth licking and eye rolling and Alex freaking?
    It’d be nice to see some actual conversation.

    Finally caught up on all eps and posts. Thanks for the entertainment Juz, and everyone 🙂

      • I just said today that Jordan and Joelle won’t last long. All of her boyfriends were clones weren’t they!
        Robby loved her more but he was just totally in love with someone else before the show aired wasn’t he!
        Will you watch Bach in Paradise 3? I know you usually don’t! I love it. And I’m in love with Nick Viall who’s on there, he was on Kaitlyn’s and also Andi’s season. Watched them both recently. Ep 1 of BIP is up on Nine website.

        • If Bach in Paradise is the one with Chad, I see he has just been booted for behaviour too intolerable for even the producers to put up with.

        • And JoJo is an idiot. When your entire family, individually and collectively tell you that they are not partial to Jordan, and you pick him anyway, you deserve everything you get.
          Would like to be a fly on the wall for Xmas lunch. Totes awks.

  4. Finding it hard to believe Richie will find love, I think it’s to do with his voice and how he delivers his lines – so staccato and monotone. I know he’s trying to not give too much away but instead he just gives nothing but ‘you’re beautiful/amazing/another good adjective’ and then just goes in for a kiss on the first date and if he doesn’t get it, he’s surprised about it. Like I don’t know why he’s going for a kiss when it doesn’t even seem like he even likes the girl that much? I should add I’ve seen plenty of Bachelor/Bachelorette in my time so I know how it works and Richie is just A.W.K.W.A.R.D

    • It’s not the kissing so much, but when it comes to the sleep try-out that I think, “Boy, have times changed”. I was no angel, but on tv????

    • Oh and the other thing is he doesn’t say/do anything consoling or explanatory or… anything! to the girls he rejects, I know this early it’s purely superficial re:blonde hair but can he just say something nice, sorry or thanks for coming, like surely Tiffany deserved some kind of token platitude, she seemed quite blind-sided…

  5. Shellbot, I agree somewhat. It’s like the Aussie version concentrates more on drama than actual chatting. We only get to see Richie’s adjectives then it’s back to girls b**ching.

    I know there’s drama on US versions too. I’ve seen basically all of them , and 2 New Zealand ones and a UK one. Will try to find Canada next. I’m basically an addict. An addict who cringes every time at the proposal moment when the runner up is about to get dumped and then I feel awful!

    • Izobel2, I think it probably is the Australian editing, that we see very little of the connections being formed or what led to a girl getting a rose on her date and then they ham up all the (manufactured) drama that ultimately leads nowhere, like Eliza’s forced upon apology to Keira. I would have rather seen Rachel’s conversation with Richie (after Alex decided to not use the white rose) to get to know her better and what she’s like with Richie etc.

  6. Absolutely Shellbot. That crappy Eliza/Keira thing was cringeworthy.
    I too wanted to see what Rachel and Richie spoke about. Instead we see nothing.
    How stressed was Alex. That wasn’t manufactured.

    Yes Bob BIP had The Chad. And Evan of course.

  7. I think if anything interesting happened with any of the other girls, we probably would have been shown it. I am assuming the conversations were probsbly as meaningless and stilted as, “I want a guy who can open up” and “I think we have a connection”.

  8. On the pol, I voted Olena because Megan is the most likely but often it’s an outsider who creeps up in the last lap, by a nose.
    Rachel, Keira and Eliza have no chance. Too bitchy or too weird. And none are nice looking.

  9. There are some juicy spoilers if you look for it. I dont want to put any link because it is big!!!

    I drove passed Calzon Hall yesterday and I just can see Keira and Ritchie in the horse drawn carriage and dancing in tne outdoor dance floor. No. All I saw was a bride taking photos at the dance floor

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