1. ” Commitment Ceremony”

    Feel like I should be committed to an asylum for watching this. It’s so bad, I love it.

    ” G’day, howzya intimacy goin’?” “Is a root outa the question?” “Don’t mind the chicken pox, hon”

  2. I just cringed every time Poxy Sam was within breathing distance of others. Does Liz have the pox also? They just said โ€œa virusโ€

  3. Oh wow, Jessika suffers from ‘social anxiety’ as well.

    Hahahahaha….Jessika pretends to be a virgin waiting for the one. She is just missing the purity ring.

    Mick/Jessika: Stay/Stay

  4. Nic and Cyrell sit on the couch and yet we still cut to Jessika emoting.
    “I got feelings for you” is not good enough for Cyrell as she hugs the cushion on the very end of the couch. Sex-perts solution for their constant fighting is for Cyrell not to pack her bags in the middle of the night threatening to leave as that would really stuff the producers’ scripting.

    Nic/Cyrell: Stay/Stay

  5. Jules and Cam are heading ‘down the love path’ . We cut to Trish who asks the only question she is contractually allowed: How is the intimacy?

    Of course they both elect to stay.

  6. Thanks to Trish we learn that Melissa has not had sex since New Year’s Eve 2009 (Do not the experts ask any questions during the selection process?) Melissa just wants to be loved and Dino just wants to build his instagram profile and do a bit of product placement.

    Dino/Melissa: Stay/Stay

    • Really? Wow, that actually is surprising.

      I guess they were both disappointed. She wanted a sex maniac and he wanted, well, what did he actually end up wanting?

  7. Sam I Am is just a horrible man.

    The s-experts, if they had any credibility they would call him out for the manner which he speaks about Elizabeth.

  8. The next phrase of the experiment is to have a swingers party-sorry, a trip to the Gold Goast to test your relationship in a group dynamic (thought that was the purpose of the dinner parties)…oh well….

  9. What a night. Tragic viewing; someone with an overactive sex history claiming she was just used by a virgin. Ning and Cyrell who just want apologies. Martha who likes Michael (and is hoping to get famous), ill matched fish mouth girl and Chopper Reid, temporarily loved up Heidi and her playboy. The boring couple who found perfect love. The circus couple. Bad girl Anus trying to cheat with Gigolo Sam, and jilted Bronson and invisible Elizabeth who wears more make-up than a drag queen. And the most awful part of it all was that psychological sexperts think it’s good practice to corner people in the Gold Coast and ask them if they have had sex yet.
    I haven’t a clue if Matthew is gay, but it would have been good if he had said, “I too like Sam”. Sam would do anything to stay longer and get discovered.

    • Matthew’s from the Sunshine Coast. I cannot guarantee, I’m afraid, that if I just ran into him on the street, I wouldn’t get a bit flirty and ask him out.

      Maybe the blinking was some kind of secret message? He was trying to send “Help me” in Morse code or something.

  10. If the show had any credibility the experts would point out how the producers swapped around all their matches.

    For a season where everyone is lusting after someone elses match, surely the producers just did a big shuffle…. if not then I’m expecting all marriage counsellors or dating agencies to sue channel 9… because after this season all of them will be out of a job as not one would believe that experts in this field are any good!

  11. Apparently Ines is doing it tough after the show. Trolls (surprise face).
    I know I should sympathise but it’s a bit difficult to go there given how appalling her behaviour was. She was not normal – no one speaks like that to strangers in real life – and if she was looking for attention, then she got it in spades.
    But then I have to ask the question, where are the sexperts now? Feels wrong.

    • “But then I have to ask the question, where are the sexperts now? Feels wrong.”

      No. Hell, I feel like, the people most deserving of abuse is those three idiots.

  12. Someone commented elsewhere re Matthew and Lotz; “he didn’t use her, she uxed him”. It was, as Dr Phil says, bait and swifch on her part. She offered up the girl next door, then after she had him, turned into Cher.

    • No wonder Blinky Bill is confused. Probably wishes he was a virgin again. It was a changing day in his life, now he’s ready for Turnabout Ranch.

      Of course, Ch 9’s arsenal of insane experts won’t be able to help him out of a paper bag. They should have matched Loz with a football team.

    • In defence of Lauren, she was placed in a no-win situation. The narrative arc of the relationship was about Matthew’s desire (or lack there of) whereby Lauren was an interchangeable part. She is not a sex therapist but was placed in a position whereby she had to act like one. When she expressed a wish that Matthew take the initiative, he is taken aback. When she mentions the sexual exploration of her twenties he is horrified. When she floats a couple of ideas, he is repulsed.

      He went into this with the sole object of losing his virginity. He never bothered to get know “Loz” and he never had any intention to accommodate her. It was all about him. He used her.

      Whether he likes it or not, most people his age will have a past (and probably have it recorded). He can’t cut everyone out who doesn’t meet his puritanical standards.

      We find it hard to believe that the s-experts didn’t realise that Lauren might have a higher sex drive. They seem to ask more questions to donate blood than the experts ask in pairing you.

  13. How awesome do Mark’s tattoos on his back look with all that coarse black hair punching through them? Intimacy kryptonite.

  14. Ines: “A full blown cockatoo”. Well, she’s hooked up with a cockhead , that’s for sure.

    This show has got everything.

  15. It is Melrose Place by the Gold Coast and as per usual we missed the first fifteen minutes. The lads, Mick, Mike and Mark are downing the beer and Mike casually throws out that he and Heidi are doing it like rabbits. Mick, not to be outdone, fests up that indeed he and Jessika have done the deed. Somehow, Jessika finds out and like any good soap opera the only way this bikini-clad conversation can happen is via cheese platter in a swimming pool.

    Cam and Jules are not getting enough air time so of course Cam drops the L-word into conversation over a cheese platter.

    Melissa just wants to do the deed and all we can see is Dino’s toupee line (Thanks Daily Mail). We think the mini golf green was suppose to be symbolic but Dino is not going there on a spiritual level.

    Martha wants Michael to leave a mark and what better way to do that than by leaving tan marks in white bed sheets.

    Talking about cheese platters in a form of foreplay in the world of Sam and Ines. Ines’ vocabulary seems to consist of the words hot and soft. Make of that what you will. Deciding that chicken pox is the must have this season, Sam I Am does to Ines what Loz and Melissa have been fantasizing about all season, he lifts her off her feet and throws her on the bed (sans rose petals and cheese platter). Fade to black.

      • Sam~ “You’ve got nice hands. Your fingers are so soft.”

        Let’s see what they’re like after washing Sam’s dishes for 25 years.

      • That was the moment that I found provided the most evidence of Sam and Ines being paid actors. Ines interviews to the camera saying, “It’s so natural with Sam, we’ve just got so much in common,” and we cut back to the most awkward conversation in the Universe about cheese platters.

        And I just thought, if this girl was really this delusional, she’d need medical intervention, she’s be in a hospital ward on very heavy medications, somewhere. That could not possibly have been real.

        • And, “Nice dress”, when Ines wears her camouflage gear”.
          And, “That was a lovely evening”; one glass of wine.

          But at least the camera crew hid behind the filmy curtains for the pash, as if they hadn’t already been spotted by Ines and Sam. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

  16. In a moment that almost, almost, cut through my iron-clad cynicism, Cam awkwardly tripping over his words as he tried to tell Jules that he was in love with her was actually kind of adorable.

    Meanwhile, down the hall, Ines and Sam are plotting to run away together and kill their respective spouses in a freak hang-gliding/ice-cream accident.

  17. Oh…my….God. Hideous tattoos galore tonight. Mark wins for the worst tatts I have ever seen. It was like he had an entire chapter of the da Vinci Code under all that foliage. And I hate Sam’s neck zipper.
    It’s the cheesiest crap on tv at the moment and I feel defiled for just watching.
    Chopper Reid needs to wake up to the fact that his goldfish doesn’t like him. One night of two much booze probably led to a reckless, drunken, regrettable roll in the hay with a hayseed. And now, like Matthew, she wishes she was a virgin again. Pffft. ๐Ÿ˜‚

    Oh and in sloths Elizabeth, glammed up in her rubber thongs.

    • “Two” much booze? No she probably needed more than that. It’s interesting, and horrible, how often they mention needing to get drunk before “having sex”. So “drunk sex” is all they can manage.
      Indian guy, who was on MAFS doesn’t drink, it seems. No sex for girl who wants to be “thrown down” not thrown up.

    • Did you think you signed up for a Wiggles concert, Lauren ?

      Are there blow torches on these contestants’ toes to make them say the salacious things? You’re not a racehorse being tasered, right? Youse coulda rolled your swag any old time a producer got on your goat. Should I draw a diaphragm for yaz?

      Of course, I feel sorry for Lauren because she’s been used and defamed but these fools chase fame as moths to candles. Your reputation gets burned.

      Thanks for the link, Maz.

      • Yeah, I find this idea quite strange. “Oh they made us say certain things. They wouldn’t let us leave until we said what they wanted.”

        Really? Deprivation of liberty is a crime. And I’m pretty sure whatever NDA’s they made you sign would be instantly null and void the second they threaten you or hold you against your will.

        • If deprivation of quality was a crime, these producers would be doing long stretches.

          Now there’s an idea for a show. Get a group of rtv producers and see how they cope in one of Australia’s toughest prisons. Who will be “eliminated” first? What will they say/ do/ confess to get “immunity”? Where will they hide their “idol”?

          You gice can help me write it. We’ve seen it all.

          • Every meal in prison is a tucker trial. Dirty Street Pie never looked so good.
            Letters from home. Pass the tissues.
            Make life long “friends”. Get turkey slapped every night.

  18. Don’t get it… like if it’s “real” you wouldn’t allow cameras and producers to follow you around making out, cheating, saying I love you etc etc… it’s truly despicable.

  19. It’s hard to feel sorry for 20++ year olds who go on tv and talk about ‘doing it’ last night. And then talk about doing it every which way with every man and his dog. They are not teenagers. Why don’t they have a brain that suggests they not go on this show. Besides, do they live on the moon? People nowadays know about rtv and sm.
    But there’s always someone who complains they got a bad edit. So they should know this. Even if they live in a vacuum, as soon as someone has cameras rolling and asks, “Have you had sex yet?”, modesty suggests you say, “Mind your business”. In fact, modesty suggests you do not go on tv and have sex with a stranger for our entertainment.
    But still, at least Lotz shouldn’t have any trouble getting her wish now. They’ll be queuing up. If I sound harsh it’s because I’m old fashioned. I had a one night stand….and he married me. Ha ha sucker. ๐Ÿ˜‚

  20. Is it just me or did those hotel rooms look a bit budget? “You’re all heading to the Gold Coast”. And there is the beach on the horizon. Then there was the poky rooms. Or was that just my imagination?
    Also, no scenes of them having a nice meal in a restaurant, but chips in bed. And may I add; “GREASY FISH AND CHIPS IN BED!”, clear the ‘table’, then straight to sleep. I’m a, “You don’t eat in bedrooms” girl (except if it’s chocolate). No teeth brushing, mouth rinsing, or removing chips from your moustache before bed.

  21. Sam I Am repeatedly tells Lizzie he is a respectful person (after sleeping with Ines) and accuses her of being a hypocritical and disrespectful.

    Have not the producers humiliated Lizzie enough?

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