Farmer Wants A Wife – episode 2

Daisy is kindly doing us a recap, but as she is on WA time, feel free to comment in the meantime if you’re managing to fit Farmer in amid the reality TV overload tonight.
Judging from this tweet, the visit to see Farmer Lance is going to be a classy affair.

Over to Daisy: Well I think Farmer Matt was avoiding me because when I turned on the telly, he had started without me. So I grab a cuppa and settle in. This is the episode where the hopeful girls arrive at the farms, all nervous giggles and inappropriate footwear. They have come to see if their farmer is a JR Ewing or a Pa Kettle.

The farmers all welcome their girls. The keenest are cowboy Lance and his girls, although his favourite, Lorraine had bailed citing personal reasons. But Lance gets over it pretty quickly as a couple of his ladies bounce together on a bunk. On If You are The One, these ladies would be called “left overs”.
Jedd loves Greg. And Greg loves Jedd. So it was smart of Shonelle to bring a doggie treat for Greg. Julz has a seven-year-old daughter, River, whom we see briefly before she is wisely whisked off camera. I can’t warm to Julz myself. He has the look of a man covered in tattoos, even though he isn’t covered in tattoos.

Next we see some horseplay from cowboy Lance. He says he isn’t ready to choose yet, but he is busy sampling Suzie’s bum. The ladies have commented Lance is “touchy feely”. Adam from Gippsland has eyes for Hayley, but the self-confessed butcher girl wore princess boots and struggled through the paddock.

At dinner time, the boys show off their cooking skills, and Lance just shows off. He is in his element. Lachlan has never seen a stove before – in fact, is this even his kitchen? Probably not. (Does anyone remember his house from his last dating show?) Jedd from Coffin Bay, SA, prepares seafood, but Kerry confesses she hates seafood. Wrong farm, Kerry. You should marry a sheep farmer. At his farm, Adam chooses flight attendant Kelsea to go in the kitchen to baste his loaf, and she did a good job of leaning sexily over the bench.
In the morning, well actually well before morning, Adam took his girls milking. Lance rounds up his fillies and slaps Suzie on the bum … again … and again. Then they throw horse poo at each other, and that works for Suzie. Law and finance student Amelia catches Matt’s eye and they manage to feel each other’s bums while pretending to round up cattle. Then they go off alone and get sexy. Jedd puts his girls to the test with a swimsuit competition. He gets bashful, but they don’t. Then they all wear wetsuits to go oyster farming and oyster farmer ogling. They all hope Jedd is well hung. Jedd is growing on me, but it might be that lovely sea. Back on land, Adam has a picnic with Tarryn. They get deep and meaningful and Adam asks that dangerous question; “Why haven’t you found love before now?”. Then a salami comes between them but no kissing.

Now Julz gets a one on one with Megan. Megan wants to start a turkey farm, and that is a turn on for Julz, so they stay out late, leaving Julz’s other girls to fret. First kiss of the episode goes to Laclan. He kisses Belinda. As Dr Phil would say, this isn’t Lachlan’s first rodeo.
Later, when Adam’s girls are ready to eat dinner, there is a veterinary emergency and the girls rush out to watch Adam insert his arm into Clara’s bottom. Clara is NOT one of his dates. We can only hope that Adam washed thoroughly before dinner or any post dinner snuggling.
The next day there is the general round of “Let’s see if the little lady can shear a sheep and drive a tractor”, as the girls are given farm chores to do. Matt’s girls are fencing and April wants to prove she can handle the shaft. Lachie tries hay baling, but he is as good with a tractor as he is with a stove. His group go back for early lunch. Jedd’s girls sort oysters. Lance is happier than a pig in mud, or a dog on heat, because he gets to keep all of his girls, but he is busy trying before buying. He does a bit of horsing around with Suzie again, and shows off his groping … I mean roping skills. It all got too much for Karen, who packed her little pink suitcase, but Lance pulled out his ace card and took her for a romantic buggy ride, and nearly kills her in the process. Karen says Lance has a lot of love to give.

Skip now to Decision Day. The girls are nervous. The farmers are nervous. The camera crew are nervous. We are nervous and guessing who will get the cowboy boot.

First up is “Helicopter Hottie” Matt. My guess; Anna. Yep it’s Anna. At this point I notice little Gabrielle is cute.

Next it’s Julz, and unsurprisingly he says goodbye to Amanda.
Lachlan “wasn’t drawn to Kate”. Someone must have told Jedd it’s best to be cruel to be kind because he ripped Shanelle off like a bandaid on a hairy leg. Adam struggled to name his loser but in the end it was Kelsea. What????? And Lance managed to woo Karen back into the hen house.
The unlucky girls wax philosophical as they drive into the sunset back to find that love that awaits.



  1. Fun recap , daisy. I could only comment on the photos before but now the text is up, thanks..

    Next time I see an attractive woman, I’ll try throwing some horse shit at her and see if it “works” like it did for Suzie. Love works in mysterious ways.

    • And if you are as strong as Lance you should just grap that sow and throw her over your shoulder. The camera crew managed a shot of Suzie’s best angle.
      Yup, Dave. Lance might have the girls all bum branded with an L.

  2. Thank you daisy for the recap and the pics.
    Enjoying the show in a light sort of way. lance and Lachlan give me the creeps but other guys seem nice guys.

  3. In case Farmer Matt (fellow WAian)?pops in to check on us.

    Here is Matt and his pearly whites. Bit of bum fondling in the cattle pen last night Matt. Very cosy.

    • My favourite Matt scene was him at the start of the show, cleaning the toilet. That’s the kind of skill you need in a prospective partner.

    • Lets face it there is Matt bum fondling and then there is Lance just being in the same room. Yuk…..I know which I would go for in my dreams.

      • You seem to have a good sense of humour Matt, that’s certainly a plus in the “looking for love” game. I think you’ve won us all over and we’re hoping you find a nice girl.

      • “But judge, it wasn’t a fondle. It was a pat, pat”.

        But yes, Matt, All Happening is correct. I think we would all prefer a pat, pat from Matt, than a bum grab from Lancie.

  4. I haven’t been watching the show, but seriously would love to know, how do you get your teeth so white…. New show “Dentistry by Matt”

  5. Farmer Matt, we know you can’t tell what happened, but if it doesn’t work out with FWAW, I can hook you up with an adorable Japanese girl. Do you like sushi? ????

    • It was a genius idea of hers to date an oyster farmer. Think of all the poor girls who didn’t get chosen who could have been downing free oysters. Daisy, if you’re arranging escorts for Matt through my website there’s the small matter of the, ahem, finder’s fee – Madam Juz

  6. I have dibs on Jedd. He is kind of cute. And never mind all that delicious seafood, I love that beautiful ocean. But as I am a WA girl, ahem….nanna….and because Matt has been our celebrity commenter, I am cheering him on too. Not what Dave said though. ????

  7. From Admin Juz: Some of you following this thread may have noticed I’ve had to delete a few comments. No, Brain Dead Dave’s Tourette’s hasn’t flared up again. It was a request from a user (and I think those of who were reading along today will know who) who realised perhaps they weren’t allowed to comment in a public arena just yet. We hope they can join us for some worry-free, light-hearted banter in a few weeks’ time. If anyone else ever wants a comment deleted just shoot me an email (deets on the comments page). Or if I don’t agree with your apostrophe usage I may just delete your stuff anyway 😉

  8. It was fun while it lasted. I hope we didn’t get anyone into trouble. I feel bad.
    But I will make it up to said person when the time is right. Scones, blueberry conserve and whipped cream?

  9. It won’t win the Archibald prize, but here is my tribute to Farmer Matt. BTW, did the producers tweeze those eyebrows?
    Stop! Don’t answer that.

  10. Damn, I missed all the fun it seems.

    Farmer Lance is giving me the creeps. So much touching. So much feeling. So much cringing. Lance has too much “love” to give. I just forget that Lachlan is back on my TV screen.. after his next 5 mins of fame. Jedd seems ok.. but I am not a seafood fan either. I do love a good dog-mance (?) though..

    Would love to know Matt’s pearly whites tips, too.

    I agree, Fijane, where’s all the Adam love on here? I mean, cute guy PLUS puppies.. who can compete???

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