MKR Sun, Feb 14 – The Italians

I have high hopes for tonight after the letdown of the Miners.

Italian BFFs Sans Hat and Hat (Luciano and Martino – not sure which is which). One is a flight attendant, the other a former teacher who now works for a jewellery company – perhaps he and Jess can discuss the biz.

Here it is, finally:
And here we are at Season 7, episode 8 – it feels like it’s been much longer.
The Italian BFFs are cooking and I want to see them do well, but I also want to get the high drama Channel 7 has been flogging over and done with.
Luciano the flight attendant and Martino who works in the jewllery industry – so cryptic; is he an international jewel thief? Martino is not wearing his usual hat today, making it harder for me to tell them apart. They have an easy bickering manner that comes with being friends for a decade. Oh, it’s ok – once they hit Coles Martino is back in character as the hat wearer.
Their menu is in Italian – as it should be – and translates roughly as follows:
Entree: Fettucine with sausage and porcini mushrooms (yum)
Main: Osso bucco (veal stew) with risotto (yummo)
Dessert: Ricotta cheesecake (that’s a yum hat-trick because I know they won’t ruin it by putting something stupid like white chocolate in it)
Their restaurant decor is meant to evoke Italy in the 60s and the lads get emotional thinking about their mamas.
In the kitchen, Sans Hat is surprisingly making pasta with Coles flour (or maybe it’s just for dusting) while Hat gets on to their dessert, which was apparently invented by Italians two centuries ago. It’s going well, so cue impromptu round of “It’s Amore” and Hat is beside himself with joy at the aromas – so much so his BFF has to ask: “Are you cooking or are you making love to that dish?”
The shortcrust pastry looks love and buttery but turns out it’s TOO buttery and breaks when he tries to line the tin. Having a problem this early is usually a sign of victory.
The guests rock up and I’m not a fan of the matchy matchy outfits of the miners.

Your man bun looks nice, but when can we unbutton these shirts?

Your man bun looks nice, but when can we unbutton these shirts?

Yet again Jess is strangely dressed – her scarf is more Pink Ladies from Grease than 1960s Italy.

Altogether now: Look at me, I'm Miss Bitch-eeee.

Altogether now: Look at me, I’m Miss Bitch-eeee.

And again the editors remind us of her unhealthy relationship with food. “Deep-fried food scares me. I’m not joking; it makes me feel nervous.”

The Italians look lovely in their snappy shirts and, presumably, cashmere sweaters – but poor things must be hot cooking dressed like that, with the TV lights on them. They are so friendly and welcoming – wish I had a gay Italian uncle.

Hugs and kisses all round.

Hugs and kisses all round …

... except for you. Nev, because I'm not sure how you'd react to a bloke kissing you hello.

… except for you. Nev, because I’m not sure how you’d react to a bloke kissing you hello.

One Italian decides they need to up the stakes and add a coffee semifreddo to their dessert. I’m pro coffee-flavoured anything, but they’ll be pushing to get it frozen in time. However, they are smart to portion the mixture into small bowls so it will freeze more quickly. These guys know what they are doing.

The judges arrive and they are men of the world, so get the traditional triple kiss greeting. None of Pete’s tan rubs off in the process; perhaps he’s just been eating a lot of carrots.

It’s time to read the menu and, of course, Jess is scare by human food: “I normally don’t eat pasta.” But one of the sisters is salivating: “I love carbs; I’m so excited!” That’s the attitude you want on a cooking show – it’s not called My Deprivation Rules.

Jess is especially worried both entree and main have carbs, and yet she seems to be drinking white wine again rather than water – surely that’s 120 empty calories right there? However, she says she’ll give the pasta a go and will offset it with a run in the morning.

The pasta is done and man it looks so good I wish there was an app where I could press a button and have it delivered to my door.

Cue the chew and the Italians and stressed as, but Pete forgets he is a robot and makes bedroom eyes at Manu.

Paleo? What paleo?

Paleo? What’s paleo?

Pete: “Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for real Italian food on My Kitchen Rules?” (Sucked in, Nic and Rocco!) “Boys, you delivered … the first bite was heaven.” Manu agrees it’s the best pasta in the history of MKR, and the happy tears are flowing.

The guests are happy, too, and even Jess is damning in her praise of it being a worthwhile “cheat meal”, albeit the sausage is too salty for her taste.

It’s almost mains time and the girls are showing their Asian heritage by pronouncing it “ossko booss-ko”.
And now it’s time for the evening’s entertainment … Nev asks Jess what she would serve friends for dinner, given her eating habits. “I eat very healthy. I know that everyone else doesn’t eat very healthy and I’ll cater for everyone,” she replies in a manner that gets everyone’s back up. What does this mean? She prepares a salad and then adds a deep-fried chicken leg and some fries to it for visitors with more than 2 per cent body fat?
Awkward.
Nev’s parter is no annoyed she does a “talk to the hand” gesture.

You've upset me so much I'm gesticulating like it's 1995.

You’ve upset me so much I’m gesticulating like it’s 1995.


Manu says it’s okay to enjoy flavour and he balances his diet: “I go on run as well.” And in return, gets this look:
You so fat, Manu.

You so fat, Manu.


It appears she’s looking at his waistline, although it’s possible it’s the editing. Burn!
After the ad break it’s back to the kitchen … What, there’s a kitchen on this show? It’s not just about drama?
Uh oh – they don’t have enough sauce jugs so have to use china spoons that don’t hold as much liquid. And now, the biggest shock of the night: The boys are wearing gloves to plate up. Is this allowed on MKR?
My Hygiene Rules.

My Hygiene Rules.


It looks tasty but will they get in trouble for trying to be fancy by separating all the ingredients?


It’s chew time and the boys are worried about the scarcity of sauce. The meat falls apart and Manu happily sucks the marrow from the bone: “The flavours in this deesh are amazing.” But he reminds them to serve it in a traditional manner – one big bowl – so the meat can swim in sauce. Pete agrees the meat was a little dry without the saucy perfection. The risotto was perfect: “Fellas, just cook how you normally cook.”
It’s dessert time and the boys are second guessing their decision to add the semifreddo, because Nonna wouldn’t do it. But then they decided it IS Italian after all to have espresso after a meal, so it will work.
At the table, Jess is worried the dessert could have icing sugar on it (cut to the cheesecake being adorned with a snowstorm of icing sugar) and it gets the guests’ hackles up. We’re reminded again she doesn’t eat chocolate (cut to boys making choccy sauce).


The judges go the chew … The boys are worried the flavours clash but all is well.
Pete: “I think you finished as strong as you started.” Manu is impressed by their use of candied fruit and he’s never eaten this type of cheesecake before. Hooray for the Italians!
The guests are delighted except New Villain (Zana who?), who rudely removes the chocolate from her dish. She doesn’t even try it first, which is discourteous. And then she scrapes off the icing sugar. It’s a food autopsy.
Nellie (the Nice Girl) questions whether she will score them fairly, given her dislikes. But it’s ok; Jess hates all desserts equally.
Non-Man Bun Miner calls her on her attitude and she gets feisty, saying he’s not listening to her.
“I’m listening and I’m not liking any of it,” he replies. “And I really hope that your food tastes better than your attitude.”
Jess wants to stab him with a fork and the other guests secretly applaud Miner No. 1.
And then it’s all over because it happened while Pete and Manu were off camera and couldn’t stir the pot further.
Now for the scoring.

Jess and Whatisface 9; Nev and Mrs Nev 8: Miners 8; Nice couple 8; Sisters 8. T0tal: 41/50 To Jess’s credit she is scoring fairly and the others are being a bit strategic, because they know the judges will mark the boys highly. The Italians are pleased anyway.
Entree: Pete 10 (cue round of applause), Manu (more clapping); Main Pete 8, Manu 7 (ooh – harsh, Manu, given you loved everything but the scarcity of sauce); Dessert Pete 10, Manu 9 (due to wanting thinner pastry).
That’s it. Total: 95.
Tonight the sisters serve up a Balinese feast and it looks like the chilli factor could be troublesome.



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50 Comments

  1. Apparently “the incident” happens tonight. I’m hoping it involves a contestant leaping across the table and tackling Jessica to the ground, but I’m probably just setting myself up for disappointment.

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  2. “I’m serious. Deep fried food makes me nervous.”

    I don’t think I’ve ever wanted somebody to shut up as much as I do, right now. My gosh …

    • I can think of only one reason for being nervous of deep fried food~ having to consume it in a maximum security prison mess hall.

      Time to harden up Jessica….and don’t give us none o’ your lip.

      I Googled “fear of food” to try and dig which planet Jessica is on.

  3. Oooo. I want to see Jessicagate, but I have IAC and the IYATO Aussie special. I will have to watch on tomorrow’s catchup.

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    • It was nothing. Jessica just told everyone that she eats healthy while they don’t, and then Manu tried to point out that a happy lifestyle to him is eating lots of things that make him happy, and he runs. Jess then gave a little sideways downwards glance to Manu’s body, and Manu was like, “What’s that supposed to mean?” From the smile on Jess’s face, it looked like she was contriving to look cheeky and funny.

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      • I wonder if that strange look from Jess wasn’t cut and pasted ftom another conversation. Perhaps one with her partner saying something odd.
        Anyway, has Manu had his blood sugar tested?

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  4. Don’t think I’ll be doing a full recap tonight as it was my son’s fourth birthday today and I’m knackered … Just turned on TV to see the person being voted out of Celeb. Shame. And now to catch up on MKR.

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    • I just don’t understand why somebody who has *incredibly* narrow definitions of what she likes to eat … would apply to go on a cooking show where you have to eat all kinds of types of food. I don’t understand that. Why on Earth would she possibly think that this is going to go well for her? She just insulted the entire table including the judges, like, I don’t get it.

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      • I agree Windsong, cooking shows are for people who love to cook and have a sense of adventure about food. Narrow like her lips…

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    • Thanks to everyone. Mr 4 is knackered and Mr Juz and I were in bed by 9! But now surfing the net, of course.

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  5. What a lovely Valentine’s present 4 years ago!
    I’m with the mining boy – she’s just annoying. I find her quite unpleasant to watch.
    Pretty excited about Racel Khoo coming though.

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  6. The producers didn’t leave much of the show tonight for us to see for the first time. All the ads covered the whole ep in bits and pieces. Very disappointing.
    Happy 4th birthday master Juz.

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  7. Awww the Italian guys were adorable. And skilled. Doing a near perfect pasta, risotto and pastry in one meal is impressive. It’s fun watching home cooks Who Can Actually Cook do really well, it’s what I love about GBBO. Mkr should do more of this instead of the made-to-fail contrived stuff.

    Noticed these guys had their full 3 hours cooking time. Now, the producers would have full control over how much time each team spends faffing around with their decor (surely stylists do most of it anyway) so they clearly choose some people to fail. You’d have to be fame-desperate to go on this show.

    Speaking of, what is Jess & her eating disorder doing there? Food should not make you nervous, she should be in therapy.

  8. Finally caught up with all episodes. So Zana could cook… Nice to see.
    I really enjoyed the two Italian guys. Typical Italian show offs, but as usual nice and fun and charming. And I always have soft spot for their food. There’s nothing better than fresh pasta! And I loved the segment with his orange blossom water from Amalfi coast. It is so beautiful there. I was there once as I child with my parents and I can remember that winding road which made you feel like it is just one step away from falling into the ocean. 😀 Actually… that could happen.^^
    Was happy to see they did so well.
    And oh, my gaydar also took off. They both must be gay. 😀 I am usually good at that, I even told my friends years ago that the Sheldon Cooper actor from Big Bang is gay when it wasn’t known yet that he indeed was.

    Ah, finally she was revealed. Her brother gave me some kind of hint, so I was sure.^^ But everytime I see her, she and her brother have only something similar when she smiles. Otherwise her brother looks much more Asian than she does.

    Btw Juz, if you are interested, I can write up a little summary of the first Project Runway episode from last Thursday. But not sure if it is interesting enough as it is an US show.

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    • Hi Zhee – yes, recap would be great. I’ll be watching the series. Just send to the email on the contact page. Hope it’s a more talented bunch than the last lot.

    • Hat and Not-Hat might not actually be a couple … but it wouldn’t surprise me if they were. I felt like even the wardrobe department was trying to drop hints (with one in a pink shirt, the other wearing blue. There are so many couples doing this show dressed that way, with the male half in blue and the female half in pink). Plus they spent all night playfully flirting with each other (and the discussion in the car felt like I was watching a married couple).

      Even if they’re not together together, they’ve gotta be at least a little bit bi.

      • They were on the morning show today and one said they were gay but they have said on the show that they are not a couple, just friends. perhaps they both have partners who can’t cook.

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  9. It was kinda fun watching Jess trying to pull her foot out of her mouth when the miner boy was calling her out. She clearly stated that she would judge dishes based on whether she likes the ingredients, but was trying to back-pedal when challenged about that. She also seems to think that “scoring fairly” makes up for her condemnation of dishes at the table.

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    • It was interesting that she and Marcus were the only team to give 9, while every other team gave 8. I was actually thinking, if I was there eating that delicious pasta, I would’ve gone with a 9.

      But I couldn’t shake the feeling that Jess felt like she’d been guilted into a high score after the argument at the table. I do side with the boys as well. I don’t think Jessica wakes up and decides, “I’m gonna be a jerk today”, but she does come across as condescending and quite rude when she talks about how people treat food. She herself admitted that she knows her attitude to eating healthy is “extreme” … and extremes in *anything* are usually bad things.

      I still wonder why she ever volunteered to be on a cooking show, given her hang-ups. But gosh, I want her and Zana to meet across a table full of carbs.

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  10. The Italians didn’t swear, wore gloves , didn’t cook shit and served without delays.

    Zis must be ze forst time in ze istory of My Khitchen Rolls that thees as appened,gice. Wow. Oooh la la. Eet’s to die for. Mama mia.

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  11. I have some useless, time worn advice for those wanting to create their avatar.

    “C’mon~ you can do it!”

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  12. She of the thin lips attitude to ‘healthty eating’ is bordering on OCD. God knows what they will be serving in their restuarant???!!! Agree BDD those Italianos were seriously good cooks.

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