MKR Wed, Feb 10 – the new teams

Well, here we go with a batch of fresh faces with names I can’t be bothered learning. First up are the miner mates, and I think we’ll just call them Man Bun and The Other One. They live in Mackay and look like they are enjoying their bromance, working hard and playing hard. They want to open up a bar and grill, so hopefully they have been saving their mining pennies.

Man bun alert.

Man bun alert.

Entree is crab miang. What? Where’s Curly Sue when you need her. Dr Google says it’s a Thai or Lao snack, wrapped in a leaf. Looks kinda san choy bao-ish.
In Coles they buy some packaged duck, then ask a staff member if they buy a whole duck, will he carve some breasts off for them. They must know this guy, because the meat at Coles and Woolies here often looks like it was carved with a drunk wielding a chainsaw.
The boys can’t find the canned lychees for their curry (Don’t fresh lychees not grow up north? Am I making assumptions just because it’s Queensland?). A staff member offers to help them, just t remind you it’s a TV show and not real life.
I like that they are serving it with cauliflower rice for something different – I wonder if they are paleo advocates? Pete will be happy not to be eating white rice.
Dessert is lava cake and it sounds pretty much like a chocolate fondant, so why ruin it with white chocolate sauce? Contrast it with some sharp fruit flavours instead, boys, or there will be sugar overload. At least we can be sure they won’t pull a Zana and use the Cadbury’s. It’s a tricksy dessert to pull off. I would have just called it chocolate cake, and then if the ooze worked, call it a fondant.
Entree: Miang of crab, coconut, mint and citrus
Main: Roast Duck with lychee red curry and cauliflower rice
Dessert: Chocolate lava cakes with white chocolate sauce
Back home the lads set up their industrial-themed restaurant on the back deck and it’s all corrugated iron, hessian and dead branches.
Uh oh – they’ve eaten an hour into their cooking time. Luckily Asian is a quick cook once you get the prep done, although prepping the crabs will take a while.
Man Bun is in charge of the mortar and pestle and says: “I think I’m going to freestyle this curry paste.”

Now the guests arrive and we meet Jessica, our new villainess, wearing what appears to be strappy pink sandals with thigh-high socks …. in Queensland. What is the stylish thinking! What is Jessica thinking!

Sorry for the dreadful pic. MKR has yet to upload the episode to yahoo. Actually, the outfit looks better blurry.

Sorry for the dreadful pic. MKR has yet to upload the episode to yahoo. Actually, the outfit looks better blurry.

The guests approve of the decor. The Sisters think the Miners look more like hipsters, and they’re spot on – hipsters who work out a lot and drive big cars instead of riding bespoke bicycles.
We meet the other couples. The Italian mates quibble over who is the more Italiano and apparently are not a couple. Nev and Kell are the Tradie and Cleaner (what, no snappy name for them, MKR? Just call them The Aussies, already) ARE a couple. Nev wants to serve something that’s “the duck’s nuts”. Next are the Lovebirds who are all cutesy wootsie and sweet as pie – I’m still waiting to see if the girl one blinks because it looks like she may not. One of the Sisters likens them to a Disney couple.
Now it’s time for the geography game to see what everyone’s heritage is. Two Italians, a Croats, an Argentinean, Polish and Indonesian (the Sisters – hopefully we’ll get some terrific spicy food).
Jessica and Marcos are the mates from Melbourne who are fitness fanatics and were self-proclaimed “popular kids” at school. Yes, the producers definitely want us to hate them.
Jess: “I’m good at everything I do, because I’m an achiever.”
She eats to fuel her body and that means no fried food or chocolate.
The judges arrive and the Miner boys are all smiley and nervous and the other guests are excited, but no-one is hyperventilating like in group one.
Jess points out the dessert does not fit with the Asian vibe of the entree and main and she’s right, but she loses her fellow guests’ respect by saying she doesn’t like chocolate. She makes a few clipped comment and Pete enjoys baiting her.
In the kitchen, the boys are plating their miang, and it’s definitely not the traditional bite sized snack. Nor is it tp be wrapped in a leaf and eaten. The Other One is worried there is too much heat in the dressing so he doesn’t put much on. Yes, because a dry salad has never been a problem on MKR before.

At the table Jess notes the oranges have not been segmented, which is something you wouldn’t bother with for your mates but is a cheffy thing you should be doing to impress the judges. Her manner is abrupt but she’s making good points – it’s just that the first instant restaurant is not the most tactful place to do it. Would this salad usually be served with green papaya or similar rather than citrus?


Chew time … Pete says they didn’t deliver and wonders where the dressing went. Manu says they had orange overload but needed to balance their ingredients more, with more crab.
The boys look like sad puppies, especially when they get back to the kitchen and see their huge amount of leftover dressing.
Nev gets a few bits of shell but talks the boys up for having a go. The Sisters agree the crab was done well but more spice and sourness was needed. Manu enjoys telling Jess the white of an orange is called a pith.
It’s on to mains and now I’m wondering why the boys are using duck breast for their curry instead of legs on the bone, which have more flavour. They try their curry and are worried there is not enough of a kick, so add more chilli.
At the table Italian Sans Hat is not a fan of sweet with savoury (not coming round to my place for apricot chicken, then), but the Sisters know red curry duck with lychees is a classic dish.
And then Jess admits “I don’t really eat rice … I don’t eat many carbs”. No surprise, really, but again, this is a cooking show. And then the big proclamation: “I don’t allow myself to be addicted to anything other than exercise and healthy living.” (I do note she seemed to be drinking white wine before). Aww, don’t you just love her already? Zana, please hand over your MKR’s Next Top Villain sash to Jess.
However, she says she will try anything unless it looks like it is going to make her sick. Hmm, how would she have fared at Cougar’s table?
Jess has never eaten duck before and she may not get a chance tonight, as the boys look to be overcooking the duck. Why didn’t they crisp the skin first? Are they going to pour curry sauce over that crispy skin? Oh no, it’s a duck curry with the duck on the side. And a sprinkle of coriander for green – not even a stalk of bok choy to lift it. You are going to be crucified, lads.
Before it’s even chew time Pete looks underwhelmed and rightly so.


Manu is feeling that extra raw chilli burn in his throat and notes they look stressed. He thinks they’ve done well with the cooking of the duck. It’s not an awesome curry but it’s ok. Pete wants the skin crispier and says they nailed the cauli rice. It’s not hard Pete – you just grate cauli and chuck it in the microwave to steam.
Ok, I’m wrong, the curry was well received so good on you, boys.
Now it’s chocolate time and Manu pops in to offer advice/turn the screws. Uh oh – I’m seeing Cadbury Melts on the bench. What do these people have against fancy cooking chocolate?
The boys make some honeycomb to go with their lava cake, which they claim is technical but isn’t. I hope they are serving cream or something to cut through all this sweetness.
Is Italian Sans Hat flirting with Manu? Pete looks jealous.
The other guests find Jess’s anti-chocolate stance totes awks, but she says she will give it a go. How courageous.
The lava cake tester obliges by oozing, but they are faffing around while the other cakes continue to cook in the hot ramekins.


Pete digs the spoon in and gets lava but Manu’s is moist – not molten. Pete likes the cake but says the whole dish is overly sweet (yay, I was right with one prediction at least). Jess is not going to like this. The guests get mixed levels of ooze and find it too sweet. Jess has chopped her cake into bits in search of a protein bar and come up empty handed: “If this was a restaurant in the real world I wouldn’t have stayed after the entree, to be honest.”
Hatted Italiano is being, well, Italian in his disappointment at the lacking lava: “I was thinking about a dramatic event …Pompeii .. people running from a … natural disaster. But what I taste was only the ashes.”
The announced makes yet another mining-themed pun which I shall ignore and it’s on to the scores.
Lovebirds 5; Italians 5; Jess and That Guy 5; Aussies 4; Sisters 6. (All fair scores, especially since Nev got several pieces of shell in his meal). Total 25/50. The boy are gutted but trying not to show it.
Judges: Entree Pete 4, Manu 5; Main Pete 8, Manu 8; Dessert Pete 6, Manu 4.
Total: 60. Probably a bit higher than they deserved, but they were the first ones out of the blocks so deserve a little leeway.

That’s it for MKR this week. Up on Sunday are the NSW Italianos and the gents look fab in their colourful ties and jumpers. The stylist is razing the barn on Jordan’s wardrobe. And we know they get at least one good score because Pete and Manu are raving over their pasta. But enough of celebrating excellent cooking, in MKR land it’s all about the drama and our new villianess is stirring the pot. Again, she’s strangely dressed. While the stylists went heavy on Zana’s makeup at least they always gave her nice outfits to wear. It’s implied she has a dig at Manu for unhealthy eating habits, but we’ll have to wait and see the context. One of the miners (the non-man bun one) calls her on her attitude so it will be one awkward dinner party.

More to come.



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73 Comments

  1. Well, it is five minutes in and Jessica has made quite an impression. Check out the outfit( more specifically the footwear). Usual Melbourne snobbery on display cos there is no way that ‘miners’ can produce a sophisticated menu.(Roll eyes derisively).

    The Italian guys appear to be characters.

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    • Honestly? They seem like sweet guys, but they also seem quite … ditzy. I guess they’re handsome if you’re into the hipster look, but that doesn’t do much for me, so I’m fairly ambivalent about them for time being (although Man Bun loses points for the, well, for the man bun, because really, there’s no excuse for that).

      At least they seem like nice guys.

  2. The miners are imposter with Asian food!

    Salad got no dressing
    Red curry is not red. Poured the lychee with syrup into curry. Yuk!

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  3. It’s just started here but I had to laugh. The miners are probably making as much money as the Zana but they’re pretty excited at the prospect of winning $250 000.

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  4. Oh No! Cadbury chocolate! But at least the friendly staff at Coles psychically knew of their need for lychees and were able to provide them.

    • I was laughing when I saw them looking for can lychees. They were looking at the wrong aisles! Obviously never buy can lychees before

  5. I am also confuse, Juz. First they bought duck breast. Than getting butcher to debone the duck. But didn’t see them using the whole duck. Could it be just to show that you can get butcher to debone a duck in Coles? ?? Fat chance I say

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    • Towards the end I realised it looked like there were pieces of duck in the curry, but that wasn’t obvious during the show. I just thought it would be a big meaty shank of duck but the Sisters seemed to like it.

  6. I’d hate to break it to them but Jessica and friend are not nearly as good looking as they think they are.
    The young couple seem sweet – too sweet for a competition like this.

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  7. I agree JayB, who told her she was very attractive? I don’t think they were on the money. She has a hard face and square head… Just saying!

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    • Normally I’d try not to comment on someone’s looks and beauty is in the eye of the beholder (so Maz could be right about the mirror). But who besides Zoolander comments on how good looking they are?

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    • What about the Major Frank Burns lips and the chin she could carve a roast with? That’s if she could lower herself to attempting a roast.

      Her signature dish would be frump steak.

  8. Yay, new teams!

    The miners seem like nice guys (but they’re not Jordan, swoon), but I got the impression that they were a little too bloky and ditzy, you know? Just a bit … scattered.

    I liked the dating couple from the Sunshine Coast. I did recognise some of the locations. Although I think they’re going to get too sweet, and become a little tedious. I hope not.

    The couple from WA (the tradie and the cleaner) look nice, and maybe a little volatile but in an entertaining way, so there’s that.

    The Italian friends? Yeah, I thought they were a couple as well. My gaydar is exploding with fireworks and thunder. The guy in the beret has to at least be bi, you know? Friends or “friends”? The jury’s out.

    The Indonesian sisters look volatile, but not in an entertaining way, more in a, “this is going to end in disaster” way.

    As for Jessica … OMG. That’s a *lot* of personality crammed into a small person. The fact she described herself as “an achiever!” makes me automatically want to dislike her. But … I’m picturing her coming head-to-head against Zana, and the thought of them sitting across the dinner table from each other makes me salivate.

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    • I’ve been thinking the same thing about Zana v Jessica.
      Just because they’re not a couple doesn’t mean their not gay – it just means their friends not partners. (I too had assumed they were a couple). They could just be that very fifties thing of ‘Bachelors’.

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  9. Meanwhile, in an hour of television, we’ve learned that Jess doesn’t like (a) rice, (b) carbs of any description, (c) chocolate, (d) almost every part of eating any sort of meat, and (e) anything that exists that isn’t four hundred per cent about fitness.

    And she applied to be on a cooking show? What a great decision.

  10. MKR… new group and a new biaaatch…truly a real one…Zana could be considered a baby compared to Jessica!!!! And those looong white socks with sandals…has that look ever been in fashion or is it a new trend we need to know about? (or NOT) Thank god it is a sit at the table show…I thought the boys did Ok….60 may get them through, I am looking forward to the italianos, I think they can cook…. and the time that Zana meets Jessica and those socks….having a chuckle as i think it would be a fun episode!!!!

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  11. She just said that she doesn’t like chocolate and would judge them accordingly. I thought you judge the job they do whether you like the main element or not. Look at how last night’s team got converted to liver.

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    • And did you see that the Really, Really, Ridiculously Good-Looking Achievers! are cooking last?

      So we have another five episodes of them to sit through :(.

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  12. Jessica didn’t “achieve” a lot tonight. It’s absolutely stupid going on a show such as this when one has so many hangups about food and is hell bent on hectoring the other poor unfortunates around the table about it.

    Someone told her she was attractive. Shoulda gone to $pecsavers. Yes, Windsong , I noticed that Jessica is cooking last. What a schlock that came as. The muesli bars with rabbit food should go down a treat.

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    • Even Pete can bring himself to eat a few bites of carbs for the purpose of the show. She appears to have problems with control and self-worth that go deeper than a passion for healthy eating.

    • Muesli bars and rabbit food, I think, is being generous. I’d imagine Jess’s ideal diet would be a fresh mix of oxygen and water. And probably not much water.

      One thing she said stuck in my mind. She said that she only eats the foods that allow her to live exactly the (super-healthy) lifestyle that she wants to be living. And I thought, well, the lifestyle I want to be living involves ice-cream and pizza and chicken nuggets. Your move, Jess.

      I also can’t help but question why somebody who despises almost all types of food would volunteer to be on a cooking show. Like, what?

      I have a couple of friends who fit the same lifestyle as Jess and her plus one. They’re super into fitness and healthy lifestyle choices (and they run marathons and do all these obstacle courses and things), but they’re both such positive and empowering people. They’re a couple who you *want* to hang around, because they’re so upbeat and respectful of everybody. There’s no lecturing, they’re just living by their own example.

      Jess exists on that same level, but at the exact *opposite* end of the spectrum, with a very obnoxious, condescending, “Oh I live on lettuce and I’m better than all of you” attitude. Good lord I hope they crash and burn when they cook.

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      • Jessica’s Instant Restaurant Menu

        Entree ~ Dad’s Deconstructed Bird Seed Croquette.

        Main~ Poached Muesli Bar w/ Watercress Salad and Mineral Water Jus.

        Dessert~ Non Dairy Mung Bean Ice Cream w/ Espresso Enema

      • Jessica’s jewellery all looks like it is skulls and other horrors. It looks like she is into that roller derby stuff. No wonder she is so confrontational.

  13. Could be an interesting group. I too thought the Italiano’s were a gay couple. They seem to be great together whatever. Indonesian girls sound very young and volatile. They sound like they know Asian food. No comment on Jessica or him.
    Manu seems more relaxed and enjoying a bit of fun with contestants. Pete still has his stick up his you know where.

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  14. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Those thigh highs, with pink high heeled sandals! Wrong in so many ways.

    Did the boys think they were serving oranges for half time at a netball game? Entree looked dry, not surprising when most of the dressing was left in the kitchen.

    I’ve never been to an asian restaurant where the meat is served on the side like that. That’s where the flavour in the curry sauce comes from. No wonder they said it wasn’t that great! It appeared to be very creamy. Pretty surprised they got an 8 for it.

    Littlepetal, interesting comment about the times. Doesn’t add up at all. It takes 10 minutes to go from one side of Mackay to the other – did they drive to Rocky for the supermarket?

    • I think the judges actually praised the main course, and the 8 seemed consistent with their comments. It is what saved them, because the review of their entree and dessert were pretty bad.

      Boy, I am so over lava cakes (aka uncooked pudding).

  15. Why is the lava cake that they cut in the kitchen is more of a caramel colour wheras those served were much darker in colour??

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    • Hmm.That looks like something Iggy might “create” in the back yard when I let him out in the morning. Best served on a shovel for presentation brownie points.

  16. Jessica V Zana… that’ll be the ducks nuts!

    To be honest this second group just doesn’t seem as good as the first… my gutt feeling is that only the g-italians are great cooks.

    Unlike Zana, Jessica hasn’t been spruiking her cooking (me thinks she can’t cook) and think she’s here to try to emulate a post MKR career like the fitness nuts a couple seasons ago. And then her outfit… talk about me now having to purchase some viagra to try to jumpstart myself again…

    • Is it possible she’s smart enough to know that talking up your cooking sets you up for a fall?
      If so, she’s not smart enough to realise that alienating everyone will have the same effect.

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      • That was probably the line the producers fed Jessica, i.e

        Producer: “What are you like at alienating people, Jessica?

        Jessica: “I’m an achiever!”

        I have to doubt that Jessica has cooked for a large number before because after five minutes of being ear bashed about the evils of modern cuisine , the guests are gagging to shake hands and go.

  17. I’m logged in, I’m logged in, I’m logged in!!!
    G’day everyone how the heck are you?
    After being unable to log in/on fir days, I am delirious with happiness!

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  18. My fault. I gave the wonderful Woolif the wrong email address. Sigh.
    The Gravatar gang have sent me a confirmation email with a link that, um, may or may not help? Crosses fingers…

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  19. I couldn’t see my late beloved Daisy sitting until a wee while ago. Remember I told you I’m not berry good of compootas? 😆

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  20. In other slightly-disturbing news, I saw on MKR’s FB page that the four young men from this round had done a photoshoot for New Idea magazine, without their shirts on (but wearing brightly-coloured aprons and shorts).

    It was the miner boys (who, as you can imagine, are very fit), the male lovebird (who has a surprisingly toned physique under his shirt) and Jess’s hostage, uh, I mean, Jess’s friend.

    I was rather underwhelmed for reasons I probably don’t need to go into (since they only featured the handsome young men from the current 6 teams, and NOT FROM THE FIRST GROUP. HINT, HINT, CHANNEL 7).

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  21. More goss with Duck Nut. Kell is the ex wife of Nev’s brother.

    His brother who may have sold his story to one of the gossip magazines wrote this on his FV

    “The snake and the weasel my ex of 26yrs and my snake brother on MY KITCHEN RULES 2016,” he wrote.

    “BATTLERS ??? Far from it.

    Read it here:

    http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/entertainment/sydney-confidential/mkr-battlers-nev-and-kell-attacked-by-ex-as-love-spat-threatens-to-boil-over/news-story/302e7f75e168305f0a0a33b61aa01de5

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    • Well, we don’t know if Duck Nut can cook yet, just that he knows how to cut someone’s lunch. It does sound like his own nuts are out of control. He looks like Uncle Fester on steroids.

      MKR isn’t sure if it’s Dr.Phil, Family Feud or Jerry $pringer.

      Well done on digging the dirt on Duck Nut, Littlepetal.

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  22. Hey guys, managed to find the new site… thanks for the directions.

    Have watched a few eps now. The usual roll-out drama to establish the unpopular contestants, who invariably end up being able to cook. Morticia (Zana), came up with the goods and is being eclipsed in the nasty stakes by Mini Mouth (Jess). I guess she’ll excel in the kitchen too.

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    • Yay, Georgie.
      I like your choice of avatar. In fact it’s fun to see what everyone’s signature avatar is.

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      • Hi daisy, have been watching MKR and the second ep of First Dates, which was quite interesting. Hope to be able to call in here regularly.

        I haven’t seen the avatars on the computer yet… they’re a bit small and fuzzy on the iPad. Is that a self-swimming-portrait? I was going to ask if you were wearing cosies, but I think I can make out a shoulder strap. 🙂

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      • Thanks Littlepetal, glad you’re still rtv blogging. I’ll have to learn to wait until I’m logged in before I ‘Like’ comments though.

  23. Hello peoples…. I remember many names from previous mkr/mc 🙂

    Mmm, I’m woefully excited about new mkr tonight…. but my 7mo baby is not, and I can tell I’m going to miss a lot of this season. Waahhh!

    I’ll be here every day at some point checking the comments/recaps. If memory serves you won’t let me down. Go forth and bitch my friends!

    Love Bel (and baby gremlin- ie, nasty when wet and fed after midnight).

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