Farmer a Wants a Wife – Mar 14

It’s the end of the road for what’s been a pretty flat season of FWAW. Might be time to give it a year off and ponder casting options.
Guest recapper Daisy will give those of us who were watching MKR instead the lowdown once the show airs in WA (thank you!). In the meantime, here are some non-spoilerish tweets.

We have already arrived at the finale. Have the producers fast forwarded the show this year? In previous years, I seem to recall, city visits took up a whole episode. Anyhow, after 10 days farmstay, the farmers each farewell their girls and then take some time alone to consider their verdict (if that rings a bell, you are as old as I am). Remote Pilbarra “Chopper Charmer” (not sure which choppers they mean) is putting on a brave face, and once again, he chokes up with emotion. Julz is rapt in Melanie, so that’s a done deal, although, according to Alex, he is punching above his weight.

Now it’s reunion day and we are back at the big house in the Hunter Valley. It’s one whole month since the the end of the farmstays. The farmers all rock up, and wardrobe  and make-up have them all looking pretty sharp. Everyone’s hair has been cut and styled, all teeth have been whitened. The farmers are all smiles and everyone is saying what a positive and amazing experience it has been. No one has any regrets. At least that’s what the cue cards said. Smiling face with open mouth and tightly-closed eyes

Time for the Love Seat grilling and Julz is the first cab off the rank. He is aptly coy and smiling, as the pretty but (yawn) dull hostie asks the usual (yawn) inane questions we have come to expect from this part of the show. This hostie is less annoying than last season’s girl but equally inane. She can probably blame that on the inane questions she has to ask. Anyhow, after the flashback to Julz’s city visit, it’s time for the big reveal….and it’s Melanie. She hadn’t gone off the boil, so they hold hands on the couch, then Julz takes Melanie to meet the boys who are waiting around, beer in hand.

Next up, Jedd. He had an “amazing experience”. Samantha was “amazing”. Kerry was “amazing”. Can this show really be scripted? I thought Sam had it in the bag but Jedd is still sampling. On his city date, blow me down, he is test driving Kerry. With no Gregory in sight, Kerry gets Jedd between her legs, but in the end his choice is…..wait for it….. Sam. Jedd is a goofy goof ball, but cute. Sam is gorgeous, in a toothy girl-next door way, so they make an adorable…..no, amazing couple. They didn’t hold hands on the couch, but Sam did wipe the drool off his lips, so that could mean the L word.

Now it’s rtv veteran, Lachlan, who has done enough of these shows to qualify for I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here. In fact I got the feeling that he had spent most of the series thinking he was in I Am A Farmer, Get Me Out of Here.  Lachlan has chosen Belinda, after he gave his other girl a serve. Belinda likes Lachlan for his witty banter and dad jokes. They are both taking things in their strides. Lachlan introduces Belinda to the boys at the bar and Jedd’s eyes pop for Belinda. Down boy. You chose Samantha.

Lancie is up next, but not in the way he hoped. He headed to the big smoke to meet Lisa, who greeted him wearing pedal pusher jeans spangled with rhinestones. She must have one of those 80s rhinestoning kits. Although Lance had goosebumps being back at Hunter Valley, where it all began, he just didn’t have goosebumps for Lisa. So Lisa packed up her rhinestone cowgirl clothes, and is still looking for love. Not even channel 9 lawyers can make Lancie rope and brand a filly unless he’s feeling it 100%.

They seem to be saving the best for last, because next up is Adam. Now Hayley was the initial front runner, like a cute little blue-eyed princess, but it was Taryn who put in all the hard work, and it looked like Adam might lean her way. Come city date though, and it was Hayley who Adam visited, and it was still Hayley sitting beside Adam on the Love Couch in Hunter Valley. Too bad Eliza.

And finally, it’s Farmer Matt’s turn. We are told Matty had the toughest choice of all. Not sure why.  Matt visits April (well she’s hot, so what guy wouldn’t) and he surprises her at a park. She just happens to be there cooking sausages, with her entire family. Everyone meets, and Matt and April show how they can both skate really well. Fast forward to the Hunter Valley house and the legs coming down the stairs, balancing on really high heels…..is still April. Yep. Matt chose April. April coos that Matt doesn’t know how amazing he is. Then calls him “dude” again. But she rubs his arm and Matt blushes like a school boy in love with his hot 4th grade teacher.  Everyone’s is toothy. Hostie is smiling. April is smiling. Matty is smiling. And I am thinking of those clowns at the royal show.

When Matt walks into the bar with his arm candy, all the farmers drool on cue. Then the country band plays, while all the farmers pretend to have found the loves of their lives.  Everyone snuggles, except Lancie, who is out in the men’s toilets texting Karen…..and Lorraine. Revolving heartsRevolving heartsRevolving heartsRevolving hearts

Good luck Farmers, and Cowgirls. Thanks for letting me take the p*ss. Thanks readers. I hope you all find love. 😙😙😙



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112 Comments

  1. OK, before tonight’s recap. I can share some secret inside Farmer pbotos. And it aint’t pretty. Firstly, note the inappropriately dressed girls who are tryint to stral Farmer Matt’s heart.
    April, Amelia and Farmer Matt.

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    • Nice one Miss Daisy, and thanks for the recap!
      And how IN LOVE does Lance have to be???? He sure looked sad when the girls left the farm…

  2. Lancie goes after Amelia. Hey Lance, that’s not your date. And get your hand off her boozie.

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  3. And I hope the kiddies are in bed. Farmer Lancie picks up a couple of behind the camera girls. They are real little rip snorters. He is still missing Karen though

    • Can’t believe he still went to Kerry in the city. He took impartiality to a whole new level. They were so stiff together, no spark at all. Kerry must have been gobsmacked when he walked into the gym. She knew there was nothing there.

      Love Sam, and hope that it works out.

  4. Bye, bye farmers. I’ve enjoyed watching some of you. The real stars of the show were the locations. Australia is an awesome country!

  5. Daisy’s recap has been added to the main post. Thanks! Daisy, did they do the update on past contestants, like how many kids Jo from series one now has etc?

    • No past contestants, Juz, although I did catch the end of AGT and they dragged out Constantino. It wasn’t fun to watch someone nearly getting themselves sliced in half with a battle axe.

  6. Was it my imagination or did Lachlan get minimal airtime?
    And, imagination still in overdrive, it looked like Lachlan couldn’t bear to look at the Nice Young Thing chosen for him by the producers. Good on Old Farmer for having integrity and refusing to be forced. I bet Lachlan is embarrasses now.

  7. There’s a new Courier Mail article today about how some ex of Lachlan’s says he was still in love with her during the filming of this show. I can’t read it, won’t let me but another publication might summarise it soon like they did yesterday. The same article has been re-hashed like 20 times…

    Mel spoke to Mamamia to reveal what went on behind the scenes. She revealed nothing and it was boring except that they had to even wear mics when they went to the toilet.

    • If I was 20 something, I would head to Coffin Bay to get me this oyster farmer. The ocean, seafood, cute looks and goofiness. He is the package….unless he is dumb. Not sure about that.

    • I just worked out why I like Jedd (apart from this sexy look). I can see a younger, saltier Colin Firth.
      I am wondering if he isn’t used the the girls liking him, and if the shy goofball is the producers’ idea.

  8. Greg should have been in the finale to say goodbye. Greg was my favourite.

    “I’m a Farmer Get Me Out of Here” – hahaha! You’re so right! PLEASE any channel.. no more Lachlan on the TV. He is NOT likable. Jedd’s eyes were either saying “WOAH!” in a “she’s hot” way OR “WOAH! Kelsey Grammer is here!” (Thanks BDD for that comparison.. spot on!).

    Thanks for the “too bad”. I am just sitting here watching The Notebook over and over again with 3 tubs of Connoisseur ice cream. I’ll get through it. Hahaha. The blonde haired, blue eyed version of me won. I mean, found love.. you go girlfriend!

  9. Thanks, Why. I like the comment by Happy Blue on the Matt link. Yep, a ‘model’ who does men’s mags might disappear when the cameras are gone. I imagine the Pilbarra would be too remote for someone who wants celebrity.

  10. Supposedly it was on ACA (Tues) that only Jedd and Sam (and Greg, I hope!!) are still together and that she has moved to SA to be with him.

    Sounds like Lachlan was the one saying that the show has destroyed his life. Come on, mate.. you dug your own hole! It just showed everyone the real him by the looks of it..

  11. That article about Matt and April is scary. If you are active on social media, you can be tracked almost anywhere, and a whole article built around your presence or absence.

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