MKR – Sun, March 6

Tonight the cops get to cook, and Channel 7 is trying to ramp up the drama by teasing us with the shocking news they blended the soup. OH. MY. GOD.

World's most famous stick blender in action.

World’s most famous stick blender in action.


Rachel Khoo will be kicking herself she didn’t stick around for this controversy.
Chat away.

It’s the cops’ night and they hope to beat Ducks Nuts’ score of 71.
Last time the judges said their dishes lacked flavour, so they are stocking up on salt and dried herbs.

Why do they keep dressing us in blue? To remind everyone we're cops?

Why do they keep dressing us in blue? To remind everyone we’re cops?


Their menu is:
Entree: Pea and ham soup with a homemade bread roll (which is what I give IT Sidekick for lunch in winter, because it freezes so well. It’s more family fare than dinner party fare, and I know from the ad they aren’t modernising it all with any MasterChefffy pea spherification)
Main: Rabbit pie with spinach, feta and stewed pear salad (I don’t understand what a stewed pear salad is – is it like a chutney? The description does not say “eat me – you want me!”.)
Dessert: Profiteroles
The girls are not happy that the rabbits are quite small, so fiddlier to work with, and Manu portends that bones in the dish could be a problem. Does someone choke?

They get into the kitchen on time and they get started on the ice cream and Feisty Cop (AKA Monique) says she’s backing off on the sugar as Manu criticised them for serving overly sweet food. They are also making puff pastry for the pie, which is a lot of work. Feisty Cop seems to be doing the heavy lifting here while Pug Lover is more prep and bread making.
Feisty Cop starts breaking down the rabbit right next to a tray of baked vegies, so flecks of raw meat are probably flying all the over the tray. The put the giant vegie chunks into the pea soup, so this is where the blending we see on the add comes in, as one of Feisty Cop/Mum Of Four’s sneaky “get more vegies into kids” techniques. Lauren does behave like a brat, so perhaps it’s aimed at her.

Speak of the d … dinner guests, here they come, and the poor miners are yet again stuck in clothes that are too small, with buttoned up shirts they are almost busting out of. I feel uncomfortable watching them, and that discomfort only increases when I see the Stepsies’ twinning Greek goddess dresses.

"What do you mean you spent the MKR sock budget on knee highs for Jess?"

“What do you mean you spent the MKR sock budget on knee highs for Jess?”


The girls are out. Also, here come Hazel and Lisa.

The girls are out. Also, here come Hazel and Lisa.


Just as well Tarq and his Dad are not here as Dad would have a field day with police-themed jokes. It doesn’t stop the voiceover guy.

Back in the kitchen the Cops are happy with how their progress. And here come to judges, to the tune of The Cruel Sea’s Better Get a Lawyer, Son, because … police.
And then, when the menus are being perused Channel 7 editors pull out a version of the Law & Order theme. Hang on – wouldn’t Channel 10 have rights to that?

Pug Lover cop is happy with the look of her uncooked bread rolls and I like her technique of holding a cook’s knife over each one to sprinkle with half and half poppy and sesame seeds.
And then we see the much-promo-ed stick blender come out, just after the guests have said they want chunky soup.
blenderpromo
They serve it up and the guests are surprised the soup is not green.


It’s chew time and … Pete is underwhelemed: “I struggled to find any of that beautiful pea flavour in here.” Uh oh, Feisty Cop is shocked. “I feel like I’m eating pumpkin soup.” Manu says they are missing texture: “it’s been destroyed by the blitzing”. However, Pete likes the bread roll.
The guests taste and Paige whispers “Funny old flavour”. Here’s a tip for Feisty Cop: Just because your kids like it, it doesn’t mean adults will. My kid would eat plain penne straight off my dirty kitchen floor if I let him (ok, it only happened that one time .. well, maybe twice …), but that’s not what I serve my friends.
Lauren is not happy. In the confessional she says: “I’ve never cooked pea and ham soup before, but I’m pretty sure we could have done this better.” Me, too, Lauren, but I don’t say it on national TV because then I’d look like a dick.

In the kitchen Feisty Cop is despondent but gets to work on the choux pastry while Pug Lover gets the short straw of pawing through a vat of stewed rabbit to fish out all the bones. Bet rabbit sounded fancy when they were planning their menus months beforehand, but now they must be wishing they picked beef.
Meanwhile, after enduring the fiasco of Nev’s seafood dish, the choux is on the other foot (that’s one for Tarq’s dad) as Feisty’s choux dough is too flopsy. She starts again. It’s better but instead of piping smooth balls she’s just quenelled it, so the surface could be a rough.
Pug Lover finishes her bone search but is not confident. The profiteroles come out and they finally have room to start cooking their pastry lids separately, but then realise there is no room in the oven for their eggplant chips. Not good planning. They could have done in the choux in prep and had dessert in the oven at the start.
And now their pastry lids have shrunk (overworked pastry and not enough chilling time? Anyway, a freestanding “lid” is not a pie).
Plus they went to all that effort of shelling fresh peas, only to cook the heck out of them anyway.
It’s two hours since entree and the guests are getting hungry, but it’s ok for the judges, who are in their trailer getting their spray tans and hair gel topped up. Lauren is right, for once, when she says it’s fair to score down for tardy meals.
They’ve done the eggplant chips but they are soggy (isn’t that eggplant’s natural state of being). Monique knows she’s on a losing streak : “Oh my god, the puff looks so pitiful. I don’t think there’s anything good on this dish.”

And now we get to see the stewed pear salad and I still don’t understand it. Could they not get fresh figs and had to make a switch?
Its chew o’clock … Over to Pete: “I thought it was delightful. The pastry was spot on.” They both liked the chips. Both wanted more pastry. Manu thought the pie filling needed “life”. The Cops are shocked to get a half-decet critique.
The guests are shocked to find bones in their dish – more than one.
Poor Rosie gets two, including this wicked thing:

That could have been nasty.

That could have been nasty.

Now it’s time for the Evil Lauren edit, where we hear Lauren say callous things at the table, while guests retort from the safety of the confessional. “This is business,” she says. “Remove the emotion from it. I would rather say it in front of everyone than look like I’m knifing anyone.” So Lauren will cook last, once she’s annoyed everyone, a la Jessica and Zana?

In the kitchen the Cops are happy to have 13 “good profiteroles”. So, they are serving one per person? Their menu should be profiterole, singular, then. Feisty has managed to split her ganache, which is easy to make, but she’s not stirring it over simmering water like you’re meant to (she’s just put the bowl on the bench), so no surprise there. And then she slices her hand while chopping chocolate for batch two (although they bought choc melts, so why chop?) and Feisty is not having a good day. She has to bin the bloodied chocolate. Finally, batch three of ganache works and they plate up their mega profiteroles while the editors kill a bit of time with a montage of alleged flirtation between Lisa and Manu.

Cue the choux … Manu likes the choux but there is a floury texture in their custard – too much thickener that wasn’t cooked out. Pete really likes the ice cream and most of the components. Geez, they’ve had to lower the bar after weeks of mediocre meals.
The guests seem to like it, except shy, modest Lauren. She tells the confessional: “I don’t like to toot my own horn, but toot toot, freakin toot – my custard is the bomb.” She looks to Carmine for agreement, but we don’t hear his response. Yep, definitely cast for personality, not cooking.

To the scores:
SA Besties 5; Miners 5; Stepsies 5; Lauren and Carmine 4; Ducks Nutters 3.
So the girls know they are going to do worse than their first-round score of 68

Judges: Entree Pete 4, Manu 5; Main Pete 8, Manu 7; Dessert Pete 8, Manu 8. (Note, the mains scores are exactly what the Italians received for their osso bucco and risotto main, and there’s seems to have far fewer flaws.)
Total: 62

Tomorrow night it’s Hazel and Lisa. Lauren is looking forward to another serving of hair so she can repent once MKR is finished and make a hair shirt.



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48 Comments

  1. Ugghh, so far they have rolled out every cliche. The mummy one, the cops can cook one…

    They have grabbed the Cabury for their dessert and Coles miraculously sells rabbit.

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    • I have made pea and ham, and it is chunky and smooth…if that makes sense. It is also a green colour…well my Oma’s and mine are. I simmer the the split peas and also the ham hock for hours…i can’t see it being done in 3 hours ???? I usually do mine in a winters day when I have the whole day to do the simmering.

  2. `Kell is just obnoxious. Too bad they were not eliminated in the previous round

    The presentation of the main seems to be inspired by Macca’s create your own.

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    • Lauren is like some perverse female incarnation of Jack Palance in City Slickers.

      She has to be better at everything, including things she’s never cooked before.

      The girls are doing what they know best~ prison food standard.Profiteparoles.

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  3. You know your patience for the endless Instant Restaurant rounds is starting to wear thin … when the fashion decisions (made by the costuming department) are more interesting than the food.

    I wish they’d find shirts that fit, for the two miners. I mean, yeah, we get it, they’ve got impressive physiques, but I’m worried about their general circulation (never mind the danger of bursting buttons flying across the table bullet-like and taking out one of the other teams).

    As for Lauren, well, subtlety has never really been her thing, right?

  4. Recap is finished. I will give the cops credit – they bought enough ingredients as back ups – which they needed.

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  5. It doesn’t happen often…I felt sorry for the cops. A 3 from that bitch Kell wasn’t fair.

    I’d like to be in a small room tasering the hell out of Duck Nut and his tight arsed trophy soon to be wife. That’d be the duck’s nuts.

    The cops did not cry. Respect.

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  6. Lauren is an arrogant irritant but at least she is upfront. Nev and Kel act like they are friendly and kind but then they are the ones who stick knives into backs. Guess that meal just wasn’t the “ducks’ nuts” since they gave it a “3”. Deserved a higher score.
    Missing Colin and Rachel. Wouldn’t mind if they replaced Pete and Manu. Getting tired of the instant restaurants.

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  7. I have to wonder what kind of redemption awaits Duck Nut for shagging his brother’s wife and then trumpeting the sordid engagement in No Idea. Well , it’s a nice day for a white wedding, it’s a nice day to~ start again.

    Redemption Week is code for last chance saloon for bottom feeders week. I find myself looking more at Pete and Manu’s hairstyles du jour and last night in particular ,the strangeness of Pete’s face tan. The contestants’ critiques are boring me, too contrived~ either aping the judges or in Lauren’s case just trashing what ever is put in front of her.

    Just leave it to the judges to score this week and reduce the bullshit factor . Set an arbitrary score for the losers to pass say 35/60 and fail, no redemption ….just go to hell.

    Smythe I agree with about Lauren, she’s like Donald Trump ~ an in your face piece of garbage but the true snake in the grass is Kell. Duck Nut rolled over like a puppy for that “3”. Well Kell’s Bells ,Satan’s gonna get ya.

  8. Juz, great recap as usual (I have to admit that I was over at 2 watching Doc Martin), but what I am really impressed by, Juz, is your knowledge of the songs that are used. So clever.

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  9. Yeah Juz, how do you pick all those songs?? It’s amazing.

    Thanks so much for the recaps & the comments, I’m sans tv for a couple of weeks so this site’s really entertaining me. It’s almost like I saw it ๐Ÿ™‚

    Never heard of blitzing pea and ham soup. Pureed ham is not one of life’s pleasures.

    I too can’t bring myself to like the duck nutters due to the shagging of brother’s wife / shagging of husband’s brother issue. Very judgey of me, but there it is. It’s not noice, much like their food.

    This is the last IR round yes? I prefer the stunt crowd cooking they do later anyway, you get bigger scale stuffups.

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    • They literally threw the ham in after the blitzathon but Manu took offence to the “big shonks of ock” What about the big shonk of air on your head, Manu?

      Often I have captions on , so can’t hear the music.Juz is nailing it.

      I don’t know if this is the last IR round, Bel. I think there’s still Groundhog Day Round to go yet.

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  10. Maybe the twist at the end of this round is they combined their scores from their first IR and Redemption Round and bottom 2 get eliminatef

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  11. Hi all. I’ve changed the site to enable guests to comment without logging in. I’ll see how it goes. If you notice a lot of spam creeping in, can you please send me an email as I don’t monitor comments while I’m at work, but do sporadically check my emails. Many thanks.

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        • I think WordPress has this thing where it only remembers you for a few weeks as a safety feature. But in the future we’ve discussed enabling a plug-in to extend this. And, Zen, with the password thing, even though WordPress says it needs to be 12 characters, it absolutely doesn’t. Mine is less than that.

  12. That pea and ham soup was a shocker, it was more like pumpkin and ham soup, I couldn’t believe the amount of pumpkin and lack of other vegetables they put in. Then to cook it in chicken stock? The consistency at the finish was awful.
    I wouldn’t have fancied that rabbit pie with all of those little bones, that wouldn’t have scored well with me. I wouldn’t have minded the rabbit, just the bones.

    Looking forward to see how step-mum and ‘daughty’ go tonight. The way daughty was flirting with Manu last night when they were talking about how to make profiteroles was so embarrassing, poor Manu I felt a bit sorry for him.

    It was always Nev that drove me nuts but I can see what you are all saying about Kell. I think she encourages him be the man he is and that ain’t nothing to write home about. They are made for each other.

  13. Duck nut and partner did refute the claim made by her ex. She said they hadn’t been together for over a decade so who knows? That great bastion of truth “No Idea” ? – The only time they print the truth is when they stumble over it. ie. note how many times Bec Hewitt is pregnant with twins – at least four covers each year. Never mind that nobody gives a f**k. Looking forward to Masterchef.

  14. Just saw No Idea that Nicole Kidman is pregnant (again) and is a boy!!!!!

    Those gossip mags just published what they like

  15. I get mixed up which one is which. ..but the one making the custard said she was making it from scratch. .but I’m positive i saw Foster Clarks Custard Powder on the bench next to her. Me thinks using custard powder is NOT making custard from scratch!

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  16. Props to the cops for not dissolving into puddles of tears and snot when something went wrong. Their cooking, aside from anything involving pastry or dough, is just bleh, though. Why put those other vegetables in a split pea and ham soup? It’s pea and ham, not clean-out-the-veggie-bin soup. One time when handling the food (with gloves on) is warranted, is removing all the bones from rabbit. That would have worked so much better than bashing at the bunny pieces with a wooden spoon, leaving most of the flavour on the cutting board.

    Their presentation skills are sorely lacking as well. Some of the soups had dollops of whatever it was on top, some had swirls, some had small dots. The profiteroles had either great blobs, little squiggles, or a rather unattractive schmear of chocolate. It takes a particular…talent to make chocolate look like crap. I could go on but I am getting pissed off just thinking that this series of MKR has so few people who can COOK. There are plenty who can whine, bitch, cry, get hysterical, be hypocritical, or arrogant or downright mean – but, cook? Nah.

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