Tonight the cops get to cook, and Channel 7 is trying to ramp up the drama by teasing us with the shocking news they blended the soup. OH. MY. GOD.
Rachel Khoo will be kicking herself she didn’t stick around for this controversy.
It’s the cops’ night and they hope to beat Ducks Nuts’ score of 71.
Last time the judges said their dishes lacked flavour, so they are stocking up on salt and dried herbs.
Their menu is:
Entree: Pea and ham soup with a homemade bread roll (which is what I give IT Sidekick for lunch in winter, because it freezes so well. It’s more family fare than dinner party fare, and I know from the ad they aren’t modernising it all with any MasterChefffy pea spherification)
Main: Rabbit pie with spinach, feta and stewed pear salad (I don’t understand what a stewed pear salad is – is it like a chutney? The description does not say “eat me – you want me!”.)
The girls are not happy that the rabbits are quite small, so fiddlier to work with, and Manu portends that bones in the dish could be a problem. Does someone choke?
They get into the kitchen on time and they get started on the ice cream and Feisty Cop (AKA Monique) says she’s backing off on the sugar as Manu criticised them for serving overly sweet food. They are also making puff pastry for the pie, which is a lot of work. Feisty Cop seems to be doing the heavy lifting here while Pug Lover is more prep and bread making.
Feisty Cop starts breaking down the rabbit right next to a tray of baked vegies, so flecks of raw meat are probably flying all the over the tray. The put the giant vegie chunks into the pea soup, so this is where the blending we see on the add comes in, as one of Feisty Cop/Mum Of Four’s sneaky “get more vegies into kids” techniques. Lauren does behave like a brat, so perhaps it’s aimed at her.
Speak of the d … dinner guests, here they come, and the poor miners are yet again stuck in clothes that are too small, with buttoned up shirts they are almost busting out of. I feel uncomfortable watching them, and that discomfort only increases when I see the Stepsies’ twinning Greek goddess dresses.
Just as well Tarq and his Dad are not here as Dad would have a field day with police-themed jokes. It doesn’t stop the voiceover guy.
Back in the kitchen the Cops are happy with how their progress. And here come to judges, to the tune of The Cruel Sea’s Better Get a Lawyer, Son, because … police.
And then, when the menus are being perused Channel 7 editors pull out a version of the Law & Order theme. Hang on – wouldn’t Channel 10 have rights to that?
Pug Lover cop is happy with the look of her uncooked bread rolls and I like her technique of holding a cook’s knife over each one to sprinkle with half and half poppy and sesame seeds.
And then we see the much-promo-ed stick blender come out, just after the guests have said they want chunky soup.
They serve it up and the guests are surprised the soup is not green.
— #MKR (@mykitchenrules) 6 March 2016
It’s chew time and … Pete is underwhelemed: “I struggled to find any of that beautiful pea flavour in here.” Uh oh, Feisty Cop is shocked. “I feel like I’m eating pumpkin soup.” Manu says they are missing texture: “it’s been destroyed by the blitzing”. However, Pete likes the bread roll.
The guests taste and Paige whispers “Funny old flavour”. Here’s a tip for Feisty Cop: Just because your kids like it, it doesn’t mean adults will. My kid would eat plain penne straight off my dirty kitchen floor if I let him (ok, it only happened that one time .. well, maybe twice …), but that’s not what I serve my friends.
Lauren is not happy. In the confessional she says: “I’ve never cooked pea and ham soup before, but I’m pretty sure we could have done this better.” Me, too, Lauren, but I don’t say it on national TV because then I’d look like a dick.
In the kitchen Feisty Cop is despondent but gets to work on the choux pastry while Pug Lover gets the short straw of pawing through a vat of stewed rabbit to fish out all the bones. Bet rabbit sounded fancy when they were planning their menus months beforehand, but now they must be wishing they picked beef.
Meanwhile, after enduring the fiasco of Nev’s seafood dish, the choux is on the other foot (that’s one for Tarq’s dad) as Feisty’s choux dough is too flopsy. She starts again. It’s better but instead of piping smooth balls she’s just quenelled it, so the surface could be a rough.
Pug Lover finishes her bone search but is not confident. The profiteroles come out and they finally have room to start cooking their pastry lids separately, but then realise there is no room in the oven for their eggplant chips. Not good planning. They could have done in the choux in prep and had dessert in the oven at the start.
And now their pastry lids have shrunk (overworked pastry and not enough chilling time? Anyway, a freestanding “lid” is not a pie).
Plus they went to all that effort of shelling fresh peas, only to cook the heck out of them anyway.
It’s two hours since entree and the guests are getting hungry, but it’s ok for the judges, who are in their trailer getting their spray tans and hair gel topped up. Lauren is right, for once, when she says it’s fair to score down for tardy meals.
They’ve done the eggplant chips but they are soggy (isn’t that eggplant’s natural state of being). Monique knows she’s on a losing streak : “Oh my god, the puff looks so pitiful. I don’t think there’s anything good on this dish.”
— #MKR (@mykitchenrules) 6 March 2016
And now we get to see the stewed pear salad and I still don’t understand it. Could they not get fresh figs and had to make a switch?
Its chew o’clock … Over to Pete: “I thought it was delightful. The pastry was spot on.” They both liked the chips. Both wanted more pastry. Manu thought the pie filling needed “life”. The Cops are shocked to get a half-decet critique.
The guests are shocked to find bones in their dish – more than one.
Poor Rosie gets two, including this wicked thing:
Now it’s time for the Evil Lauren edit, where we hear Lauren say callous things at the table, while guests retort from the safety of the confessional. “This is business,” she says. “Remove the emotion from it. I would rather say it in front of everyone than look like I’m knifing anyone.” So Lauren will cook last, once she’s annoyed everyone, a la Jessica and Zana?
In the kitchen the Cops are happy to have 13 “good profiteroles”. So, they are serving one per person? Their menu should be profiterole, singular, then. Feisty has managed to split her ganache, which is easy to make, but she’s not stirring it over simmering water like you’re meant to (she’s just put the bowl on the bench), so no surprise there. And then she slices her hand while chopping chocolate for batch two (although they bought choc melts, so why chop?) and Feisty is not having a good day. She has to bin the bloodied chocolate. Finally, batch three of ganache works and they plate up their mega profiteroles while the editors kill a bit of time with a montage of alleged flirtation between Lisa and Manu.
Cue the choux … Manu likes the choux but there is a floury texture in their custard – too much thickener that wasn’t cooked out. Pete really likes the ice cream and most of the components. Geez, they’ve had to lower the bar after weeks of mediocre meals.
The guests seem to like it, except shy, modest Lauren. She tells the confessional: “I don’t like to toot my own horn, but toot toot, freakin toot – my custard is the bomb.” She looks to Carmine for agreement, but we don’t hear his response. Yep, definitely cast for personality, not cooking.
To the scores:
SA Besties 5; Miners 5; Stepsies 5; Lauren and Carmine 4; Ducks Nutters 3.
So the girls know they are going to do worse than their first-round score of 68
Judges: Entree Pete 4, Manu 5; Main Pete 8, Manu 7; Dessert Pete 8, Manu 8. (Note, the mains scores are exactly what the Italians received for their osso bucco and risotto main, and there’s seems to have far fewer flaws.)
Tomorrow night it’s Hazel and Lisa. Lauren is looking forward to another serving of hair so she can repent once MKR is finished and make a hair shirt.