The Bachelor Australia premiere – Wed, July 27

Well, here we go again. It seems like just yesterday Guy Bachie Sam was snogging Snez and Richie was on an old person date with Girl Bachie Sam …
Richie the rope access technician is back as The Bachelor and, supposedly, he also found love thanks to the series.


Offspring fans won’t be happy that Nina has been bumped to a later timeslot but Channel 10 knows they will tune in anyway, so is hoping a few will be caught in the Bachie trap.
How many minutes in will it be before we spot our first loony?
Honestly, gice, Rosie Waterland does best Bachie recaps going (you can read them at Mamamia here or on her Facebook page – and she’s much naughtier than me), but since this is the premiere I’m giving it a crack anyway. Plus I’ve roped in Mr Juz to watch with me.
RECAP BEGINS
My recording catches the last few minutes of The Project and Richie is on, spruiking his show with self-depreciating humour.
“I’m surprised I’m wearing a shirt right now,” he tells The Project panellists. And follows it up with a shout out to some mates who are battling cancer. I do like Richie.
We start with Osher walking through the grounds of the Bachie mansion and the number of fairy lights there could be the reason South Australia is having trouble getting the power supply it needs from the east coast. He reminds us Bachie Sam found true love last year with Snezana.
Mr Juz: Oh, that’s right – Schnitzel.
Me: They actually called her Parmigiana. (Then I have to explain to him there was a girl Sam on the Bachelorette and a boy Sam on the Bachelor, because his brain is about to explode.)
So, less than two minutes in Richie already has his shirt off. We’re reminded he’s 30 and a rope access technician on an oil rig. We get flashbacks to the Sam Frost season – I did love that episode where they dressed up as oldies – and there’s a bit of Richie looking sad. But then he’s riding a motorbike and everything’s fine again and he loves his mum and his sister, as shown in some super awkward scenes of them pretending to carry out normal life at home, while coincidentally dressed in their best outfits.
The same sound techs who score MasterChef must do Bachie as there is a lot of very loud music.

Here come the girls
Megan is 27, rides a skateboard and dives. They’re setting her up as a bit of a fave.
Noni is 25 and has Balinese heritage. She’s a swimwear designer and I like her (despite the dreadful bacon tattoo because she’s the one from promo who gives Richie bacon roses and says “Don’t go bacon my heart”. Surely a bloke whose fave phrase is “cool bananas” will appreciate the humour.
Marja, 34 (pronounced Marcia) teaches yoga and is from Bondi – of course. Good to see not all the contestants are blonde white chicks.
Children’s entertainer Janey is passionate about rainbows and unicorns.
Mr Juz: She’s a nutter.
Georgia, 24, is an artist and a self-described alpha female. She likes ripped jeans and floppy hats.
nikki
At the mansion, Richie has arrived and meets the first contestant, Nikki. She has a very sparkly, very low cut dress with a super high front split.
Mr Juz: What’s for breakfast, Nikki? (Apparently this makes sens because you can almost see her lunch).
Nikki is happy Richie is the Bachie.

megan
Here comes Megan the skater girl and she’s from WA, so that works in her favour.
Mr Juz: She sounds like my dream girl: nature, camping, the ocean. (Says the man who doesn’t like walking on the beach barefoot).
As she walks off Megan whispers to Richie: “You smell good by the way.” After she leaves he exhales: “Ah, turn it up.”

janeyarrives
Here comes children’s entertainer Janey in a suitably princess-y dress. She is talking like a little girl and is all breathy. And in her to-camera piece she acts like a little girl who just got a pony.
Mr Juz: I’m embarrassed for her.
She deliberately leaves a glittery stripped shoe behind and it takes Richie forever to twig it’s a deliberate Cinderella moment.

Is she an actress who’s been cast to add drama?
A few girls get the quick edit but Eliza gets the slow, slinky music to match her plunging black dress. She says she wrote a song for him (despite not knowing Richie was the Bachie). She is very off key.
Mr Juz: Fast forward.
She does a high five that ends with a bum slap. Hmmm … Awkward.
Alex, 24, is from the Mornington Peninsula (what’s with all these 24 year olds who are desperate to find love?) and while nervous, has a natural vibe. “I’m bloody nervous,” she tells him, then reads him a poem. Richie seems to like her.

Keira loves the TV limelight.

Keira loves the TV limelight.

We whip through a few more girls and then in comes Keira, 29, who’s been cast as the villain. “I’ve pretty much got the whole package,” she tells the camera.
Mr Juz: She smoked a joint before she had the interview.
“So, what turns you on Keira,” asks Richie, and they both crack up at the awkwardness of the question. In the mansion they show her
Here’s Noni with her bacon roses. “That was awesome,” he says of her one liner.
Massage therapist Vintaea, 25 is keeping things simple. “I won’t be walking in on my hands or anything.” She greets Richie and asks: “Shitting, yourself? … F—ing great.” Then says she needs to cut back on the swearing. Then in the next to-camera interview says “Thank f—. He’s got good alignment with his teeth. He’s a good size and I’d probably eat that face.”
Mr Juz: We’re definitely watching the Australian version.
Yeah, she’s not going to last.

She's f---in' gone.

She’s f—in’ gone.

Olena, 23, is a makeup artist and she speaks to him in Ukrainian. “I do like to attack with the eyes,” she says of her dating strategy. It seems to work. “Olena is a total babe. She is very mysterious. Her eyes really draw me in,” says Richie. She has told him a quote in her native language that she will translate later on.
Keira is definitely playing the villain, critiqueing the bad singer and the others’ dresses: “Look at this chick … like, hello, we can see your undies, girl.”
Kiki is another one getting an edit with blunt comments.
That’s the 22 girls introduced.

Inside the mansion

Osher explains the holder of the white rose will get one-on-one time with Richie each episode and some of them look ready to stab each other to get it.
Richie has barely sat down when Noni the Bacon Lover steals him away. Some throw daggers but one girl rightly says: “I feel like we all kind of wish like we were her.” Rachael, who looks a lot like high-maintenance Emily from Sam Wood’s season, is a dab hand at pulling faces watching Richie chat to other girls. Definite Mean Girls territory.

Call me Regina George.

Call me Regina George.

After a while Nikki of the super white hair breaks up the party and she’s also from WA and is close to her family. And now Noni is egging on the Russian (?) girl to steal him.
Richie is apparently surprised the girls are all attacking him for one-on-one time.
Poem reader Alex tells Richie she has a five-year-old son but before he can really react another contestant seagulls in. Is she the new Snez?

Artist Georgia reckons the girls’ behaviour is over the top and very priary schoolish. Villain Keira decides it’s time to try for the white rose. “Just in time!” she yells at him.
My Juz: Is she drunk already?
On the sidelines, Rachael is uttering more catty comments.
Richie actually apologises to her for asking what turns her on earlier. “I would say the white rose would turn me on,” she tells him.
The others send one of the tall blondes (Tiffany) in as a sacrificial lamb to break up the Keira fest, too scared to do it themselves in case Keira whips off her choker and uses it to throttle someone. Keira is looking a bit Bingle to me – I do like that she doesn’t have the crazy hair extensions of some of the others.
“I clearly want friends but at the same time – whatevs,” she tells the other girls.
Eliza is shown acting like a loon – she’s either doing an episode-long improv or she is nuts. Nikki is kind and says she marches to the beat of her own drum. She challenges Richie and the others to a plank-off but then is the first one out. Training administrator Tiffany is doing a great job in the plank department and it pays off – Richie gives her a rose (just the red one).
Regina George’s face drops: “I felt that there was other girls that had a strong connection.”

The editors are loving having Vintaea there so they can bleep out every word: “Oh my god, I’ve never had boobs this big,” she tells the princess. Has she not seen the show before? Perhaps she needs to try Farmer Wants a Wife instead.
Janey is feeling like a loser because Richie hasn’t returned her Cinderalla shoe. Yeah, Janey, there definitely weren’t producers there telling him to string it out.
Eventually skater/surfer girl Megan (a bit of a Hawko lookalike) goes in for a chat and he likes that he’s kicked her shoes off. The mesmerising Ukrainian tries to swoop in but Richie tells her to hold up while he gives Megan a rose.
But he does come back for Olena and gets her to explain her quote.


The girls are getting antsy that he hasn’t given out the white rose. It would be cool if he gave it someone who already had a red rose and said “swapsies”. I reckon he’s going for the single mum. Mr Juz disagrees. It IS Alex, who’s been panicking every since their convo about her being a mum was cut short.
In the background Keira rolls her eyes: “Strategic.”
alex
Regina Georges is totes jelly: “I’m not congratulating her either.” Ouch. Yep, the real villain – Keira’s a decoy.

Last season Girl Sam gave the white rose to the guy she ended up with, while Boy Sam gave to Cool Chick Heather.

Rose ceremony time
Osher is so sad and serious because after Richie rejects three chicks he has to take them out the back and make them watch old clips of him is his Andrew G Australian Idol days until they claw their eyes out.
A few unknowns get roses and then Swear Bear Vintaea steps up to Richie before her name is called. “This rose ceremony just got cray-cray,” says cray-cray crooner Eliza. Ooh – she’s going to pike. “I realise this just isn’t for me,” she tells Richie. Good on her for not being in it just to “win” at all costs. The others are stoked to have less competition.
Tiny princess Janey is talking a lot about her ever-after love. Mr Juz: “I’m really worried for her. This could ruin her emotionally.” She gets a rose.
They usually film these premiere episodes over two days and Russian Sasha is obviously pretty hungry as she starts nibbling her rose.
The final three girls are two perfectly pleasant nobodies and Keira, so you know who’s getting it. Producers’ pick?
Aimee and Natalie are gone.

Tomorrow night
There are two solo dates and a retro photo shoot.



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82 Comments

  1. I loved the ad where one of the girls gives Richie a little rose made out of bacon, and then tells him, “Just don’t go bacon my heart.”

    I jumped out of my seat and shouted, “MARRY HER!” at the screen.

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    • I quite liked her too actually. I thought she sounded quite genuine, and Richie seemed to like her.

      I keep going back and forth on Children’s Entertainer girl. She’s annoying, but then she admits that her favourite princess is Cinderella and drops a shoe for him to return. I mean, I give her props for sheer audicity, you know?

  2. No, she didn’t – fairy girl drops her shoe. Who is writing this stuff?
    Bachelor script by the numbers so far. All the stereotype characters are there.
    Lots of cleavage!!!

    • Is that the girl with the black dress and the short blonde hair?

      Because she seems way to cut-throat, way too soon, for this. I don’t see her lasting. I don’t think Singing Girl will last too long, either (Richie just seemed frozen in awkward surprise, there), and I’m not sure about Swearing Girl, either.

      • She’s certainly a girl who knows what she wants. Has anyone else noticed she has a habit for crazy eyes, though? I felt like whispering, “Richie, run!” when she approached him for a private chat.

  3. It’s about this time that I have to change the station. It’s just unbearable to watch and, sadly, has nothing to do with editing. Have some of these women no self-respect?

  4. Singing girl was embarrassing when she broke into song.
    At least you can eat the bacon. Practical.

    Yep, no self respect just large doses of desperation for reality TV fame.

    Swearing girl is the artist.

    • I’m actually starting to like her too. At least she has personality. Was she the girl who said on the red carpet that, “Sam Frost is my hero! If I get a kiss from Richie, I’m gonna buy Sam Frost two bottles of champagne! And a jumping castle!”?

      Bless.

  5. It’s a shame that you get to the rose ceremony, and I feel like, I don’t know who half the contestants are. There’s a girl with dark hair and a red dress, and they keep cutting to her, and I have no idea who she is.

    But at least we’ve established that Richie has a thing for blondes.

  6. Even my dad watching was like, “Aww, I feel sorry for Natalie, she seemed lovely.” I felt bad for her too. It was like, really? Kiera (Lara Bingle look-a-like) and Eliza (singing girl) get to stay, but poor unassuming Natalie gets booted?

    Kiera just seems like a really grating loud presence, and I can’t really imagine her sticking around for much longer. I think Megan and Alex are in for the long haul, though.

  7. And we see the sticky fingers of the producers during the rose ceremony. Bitch face is given a rose (to ramp up the conflict element) over the sweet smiley face girl. I’m calling it.

  8. I’m with Mr Juz re Janey. It’s like watching a bloody Zoey Deschanel movie.

    Also, loved this one, re Snez: Mr Juz: Oh, that’s right – Schnitzel.

    So glad it’s back on. I watch it for the sparkly city lights shots and the sparkly flowery mansion.

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  9. Just starting here. I relate to the Geralton girl loving the water because I love the ocean too. And I like art, so the painter too, although I think a dolphin could have painted that yellow and red.

  10. Oh no. Cinderella just rocked up. Uuuhhh, too poomvey for my liking. Yuk. I hate cutesy. Oh shut the F*ck up with the giggling.

  11. The girls mansion is about $4 million aand Richie is staying in a $$5-7 million mansion nearby! Ridiculous.

    They are filming The Bachelorette at the moment. I always want to drive there for some sticky bit. Not too far from my home.

  12. She greets Richie and asks: “Shitting, yourself? … F—ing great.” Then says she needs to cut back on the swearing. Then in the next to-camera interview says “Thank f—. He’s good got alignment with his teeth. He’s a good size and I’d probably eat that face.”

    Mr Juz: We’re definitely watching the Australian version.

    Me: Hahahahaha! I just checked on Facebook, and apparently Vintaea is a local Sunshine Coast girl, and I’m friends with friends with people who went to school with her. It’s a small world.

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    • That always happens to me with this show! Actually I am surprised I don’t know of anyone this time around..

      I went to uni with the sister of Anna (first series “winner”) and went to primary school for a year with Lana from last Bachie!

  13. There are quite a few pretty girls, but it remains to be seen who is beautiful inside. Obviously the bitch role has been assigned to the estate agent in the black lacey dress. The Russian girl is a knock out.

    • My choice for poll is to wait a week or so. Two polls would be good. 1. Who we like. 2. Who we think will be the final three.

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    • Juz, if asked now, I think he will go Miss Geraldton. He didn’t even ditch her for the smoking hot Bond Girl.
      Miss Geraldton reminds me of Bindy Irwin and the artist girl reminds me of an American Actress whose name I don’t recall.

      • The artist girl reminds me of Katy Perry.

        Which one was Miss Geraldton? The beach one or the one with the blonde/grey hair and too much boob?

        They were definitely two of the most normal but the beach one looked like she had fillers in her lips.. at the age of 27? Maybe I am just jealous that I still look 12.

  14. Can’t believe it’s already Bachie time… again! At least we have a non plastic-fantastic Bachie this time around!!

    Things I learned from the Bachelor this evening:
    1. 99.9% of Aussie women are nuts
    2. It is normal to have had some form of botox/fillers by the age of 25
    3. You can definitely plank your way to love
    4. Using scary amounts of eye-contact is alluring
    5. Showing lots of boob, leg and stomach is NOT too much
    6. More is definitely more
    7. The women on this show are SO hungry that they are reduced to eating their rose
    8. The Bachie is just a real great guy
    9. BOOOOOOBS! Is this to keep all the husbands/boyfriends etc watching??
    10. There are lots of horrible almost wedding dress like dresses on the market
    11. Lots of 24 year olds are desperate to find luuurve
    12. There is more than one Lara Bingle
    13. This show is trying to be so real that they are attempting replicate the same boredom that the contestants are feeling for the viewers at home!
    14. Richie’s face is good enough to eat
    15. No such thing as too many candles or cushions
    16. The Bachie mansion is a massive fire hazard

    Anything else??

    • “8. The Bachie is just a real great guy”

      Isn’t he, though? He has this really adorable, nerdy/goofy side to him, and I really like that. He comes across really down-to-Earth and genuine, and he just seems like a really decent guy.

      He’s also insanely handsome. I love his blue eyes and his wavy blond hair, and his overall level of physical fitness (that I imagine they’ll be showing off a *lot*)? He’d stop traffic, and probably has at some point.

      Hmm. Given I’m still a little in love with Jordan, maybe I’m just into guys from Western Australia? I need to book a holiday to Perth …

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      • Yes! All the other Bachies have been way too smug/fake looking/just generally meh and vanilla but Richie has that adorable personality factor. “Cool sticks” is one of my fave go-to phrases now!!!

        I prefer brown hair over blonde but I was saying somewhere else some other time that Richie is my exception to the rule.. and to think during filming he was not far from me.. and at one stage (when they filmed the rock climbing) literally only a few kms away.. ughh.

  15. Russian (?) Elena is the best looking imo. Wowsers. Tiffany has a smoking hot figure in that red dress. Georgia is pretty.
    Nasty Keira is too butch. But she is the villain so she is producers’ pick.

    • Olena I think it was.. Yeah, she looks like a model. She was the only one that I felt was really intimidating although she carried herself like she knew it haha. Tiffany the plank master!

  16. Olena is from Ukraine but is speaking in Russian. It’s very frustrating for those of us with Ukrainian heritage who expect Ukrainians to speak in Ukrainian! She has very mesmerising eyes though, doesn’t she??? Richie might be mesmerised right now, but I suspect he would find more in common with Miss Geraldton in the long run…

  17. The young blonde one with the pretty naturally shadowed eyes and olive-toned skin who arrived last and said something in a foreign language – that’s Elena.

    There’s also a Russian. Sasha, I think? Curly blonde. Was she the one who used the Matroyshka dolls analogy? Or it could be Tolnya,

  18. I like the Cinderella girl, she is sweet, not bitchy like some of the others, and I like Megan too so far.
    Keira is awful, but Ritchie would have been ordered to keep her around for a while.

  19. Yeah, Keira is this season’s “Chad”. She wouldn’t have been so rude and going, “Bed. Bed. Bed”, if she wasn’t a producers’ plant.

    Also creeping singing girl seems more interested in making sure she gets camera time than she is in catching Richie.

    • Rosie — on her recap over at Mamamia — spent a long time talking about how much she adored Keira, and the thing is? That moment where Keira was bored of the whole thing and just sitting back shouting, “Bed. Bed. Bed. Bed. Bed. Bed” was just obnoxious and rude. If she’s not a five year old, then she shouldn’t act like one. I get being opinionated and confident and take-no-bullshit from anyone, and yeah, that’s fine (even admirable) … but Keira was just obnoxious.

      I’m not sure whether she’s a producer plant or whether Richie was just scared of eliminating her (for fear of her charging down the stairs, grabbing the silver rose tray and breaking it over his head. I bet she’d do it, too), but she didn’t leave the best impression, no.

  20. I think there is an encore of this today at 1.00.on Ten.

    I’ll be surprised if Bachie doesn’t keep Megan and Olena around for a while.

    Keira’s on the wrong show. RBT would be more her schtick.

    Some of the worst seagulling (thanks again, Juz) I’ve seen so far. I thought the classier units might hold back from that, so Megan joining in the first night feeding frenzy disappointed me a little.

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    • The last one I recall holding back with a “he can come to me” was Laurina, and last night Georgia the artist didn’t jump him.

      • Maybe she did but was not shown.

        On the official website, there were all the videos of each of the girls meeting Richie. He even did a breakdance for one of the girls.

  21. The singing gal is also on the wrong reality show. Maybe she thinks it’s “The Voice”. Me thinks no chairs would turn and you can hear the sound of crickets from the live audience.
    Now she is a bit cray cray!

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