MasterChef – Mon, Jun 19 – soil yourself

Contestants split into pairs have 75 minutes to cook one main and one dessert that must incorporate the element of earth. The least impressive team will then need to cook off to avoid elimination.

The flies are out with a vengeance this time and the wind is bound to blow out any gas flames. The crew seems to have stacked pavers around each stove to block the breeze – or is this a House Rules crossover (with Fiona and Nicole the team).
Poor Diana and Sarah have to stand silently to the side so everyone is reminded of their failure.
Nicole is paired with Karlie on Team Blonde Ponytail.
Young lads Sam and Callan are a pair; Arum and Ben; Eliza and Tamara; Eloise and umm, I guess Mich.
Again they are allowed to wear caps and the judges have panamas.

The wind is sooo strong. Can someone please build a little campfire and cook on that?
Callan and Sam are talking about combining beef and chocolate – bleagh! Gary talks them out of that so they do lamb and choc instead. Urgh.
Teflon Tamara has the red silicone moulds out. Isn’t that what she made her failed meringues in yesterday? Lucky for her Eliza is always steady.
Nicole wisely uses the pressure cooker for her lamb soz, while Eloise builds a baking tray wall around her cooktop.

The judges taste and Tamara bounces back. Callan bombs with his choc beef. Luckily they quite like Sam’s dessert. They hate Arum’s lamb with watercress but adore Ben’s coffee ice cream with cardamom dust. Nicole’s lamb is praised – is this her first big moment of the comp? Karlie’ dessert is “grapes and grains” and after a fakeout sour look from George she gets the spoon tap. Karlie is a strong contender.

The judges say Karlie and Nic were the standouts – Go Team Blonde Ponytail! Pity you don’t win anything.
The losers are Callan and Sam. Poor Sam. Arum is lucky Ben is on fire.
Tomorrow night: the promo is banging on about someone forgetting the salt.



    • Gary will soil himself if Tamara is aliminated. He’s white anting the other amatas to make sure she’s safe. She’s his mallee root. (Sorry, in advance)

      Like 10+

      • BDB – sorry not sorry.
        Tamara is so overexposed on this Masterfarce. We get it , the producers want her in Finals week. If Diana is eliminated, I don’t think I can manage to get to finals week.
        So far , too many blondes left in the competition.

  1. I’m watching on delay again, so have just seen Gary spoon feeding Tamara because her ideas are crap.
    I don’t believe for a second that those pairings were random.

    Like 10+

  2. They started cooking without caps but now they all have caps. Must have started early and the tasting was filmed much later

  3. So popping candy makes you a genius. Tamara is safe gice.

    They really struggled to praise Eliza’s dish, though.

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    • Again with the fat on the lamb!
      Tamara needs to learn some humility – when praised most people say Thank you, Tamara just says “Yep, yep” because she knows how fabulous she is.

    • Tamara could have shot a crow and cooked it with feathers on and been hailed a genius.

      Apply for Ma$terchef 2018. Yeah, Jowl$y.

      Gary’s hate for Arum’s dish is plain to see before he tastes it . Ditto George.

  4. Haven’t watched this episode yet- just tuned in – so skipped all your witty comments – but was wondering about last night’s “unworthy”. Do they still go along on the road trip ?? In the preview they were standing cast off to the side in black aprons for tonights “cook” – God, I hate it when this show uses cook as a noun. Are poor old Dianna and Sarah now travelling as grim reminders with the 3 stooges ? Or are they still part of the merry gang on the bus ?

      • I can’t really decide the worst fate – I guess it could be cruel in one way. But in another, continuing with the bus crew means they partake in all the little moments with people they regard as friends and also gives them time to spend with Heston, all those cool little moments we don’t see. Bitter sweet – but consider the alternative….Travelling in with the 2Gs and Matt, dressed in black, knowing they are missing out on all the off-camera fun.

        • I think all the contestants travel in the bus (including those going into elimination) Heston will travel with the judges.

    • Do you remember when they were in New York and one of the contestants had to remain in the hotel when she was up for elimination..

      • I remember that. I thought it was so cruel. Were they at least allowed to use the facilities, the pool or gym? They should have let them go sightseeing.

  5. On a completely “unrelated to this episode” comment – the ad plugging the new milk/dark chocolate cracks me up – featuring a Masterchef judge and a past contestant. What’s the bet Gary tripped the other two judges and leapt over their prone bodies once he knew the past contestant was Georgia ?

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    • I’m poking my mind’s eye out with a burned stick just imagining the Tamara and Gary ad – Tamara seductively smiling at Gary as he gives her a big one. I mean a big score. I mean a wholly undeserved score totally out of proportion with her talent.

  6. Watching them trying to convert whatever they decided to cook and then pair with the earth theme was hilarious. Heston’s dribble (near the end) sounded like the rambling of someone who’s just shared a large joint with the crew – while praising the lord that he got to wear sunglasses and a hat. Looks like we got the dud Heston again this year.

  7. The metaphors tonight were so tortured they should be up before a tribunal at The Hague.
    Coriander leaves as shoots? Mousse as termite hills? Gawd. Heston week is beyond even Masterchef usual levels of food wankerism.

  8. Ha, what a farce. It didn’t matter what they cooked as it was pre-determined.
    The hats, the sunnies .. made the ‘judges’ look like low-grade Colombian drug dealers.
    The sight of Tamara using dry ice (of course), with hat, goggles, gloves, gesticulating in shrill voice – so Breaking Bad.
    And Nicole suddenly turns from flake to genius? Can this get any worse?

    On the other hand, the flies seem to like Ben, They have good taste.

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  9. Thanks Juz.
    Another bullshit theme. But everyone seemed to ‘meet the brief’ tonight.
    Eliza must have been glad to be paired with Tamara, knowing she’d be safe with their favourite.
    They were atrocious conditions to be cooking in.
    Poor Callan was in the bottom 2. Must be so disappointing for him since Heston is his hero. I felt really bad for him. It was just about impossible to cook something like lamb since the flame kept going out so they couldn’t fry it. The other team had trouble too.

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  10. Why did Callan choose to cook the main? Isn’t he a dessert guy? Was he trying to show his flexibility?
    Did Eloise’s duck look like it was rendered enough? It sure didn’t look like it to me. I think it was Gary who complimented the rendering.
    Tamara gets guidance from Gary again.
    Molds, ice cream, sorbet, caramel sauces, soil… original and inventive. 😉

  11. Really hope Ben wins the competition. He cooks consistently really well, is never “helped” by the judges and would look great on the front of a cookbook.

  12. I don’t think there is a cook book on offer. For publishers it’s not profitable, the books soon go to remainder shops. For the author it’s not profitable as at least 5000 copies have to be sold before there’s any money in it for anyone. And who would buy a book by any of this lot.

  13. In the next challenge Gary will probably give Tamara a recipe so she doesn’t fuck up AGAIN. Plus: the first of the contestants to go up in flames or get cancer standing under the scorching sun for hours and hours without any protection, doesn’t have to participate in the eliminiation cook off.
    Seriously, are they trying to kill the “amatas”? Their arms were fire red and they’ll have to do another challenge under the sun yet again? That’s really irresponsible.

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