Bachelor in Paradise premiere

Bachelor in Paradise is about to start for those on the east coast.
Still half an hour to go here in Adelaide, but chat away.
If you don’t want spoilers, wait until it’s aired in your state.
Let’s hope it’s bad/good TV.
No doubt they will save some of the big guns for later in the season so I’ll be interested to see who’s in the cast for the first show.

Bachidise continues tomorrow and on Wednesday Ten has programmed good ole Bondi Rescue, with Rove’s movie show on Thursday (I watched it last week. Not bad and should improve once they settle in. I do miss Spicks and Specks, though.)

IT BEGINS …
Ah, Fiji. So glad I’m visiting you again in June but at a resort that’s sans Osher.
Osher greets us at the resort and he’s obviously loving the island life. He seems happy and relaxed.
We get a montage of ugly crying, scuba diving and passionate embraces. There’s a guy with a shaved head doing a lot of pashing but I can’t pick him.
First to arrive is Tara, the loud, down-to-earth nanny one from Matty J’s season. She’s excited to see Osher’s hair – aren’t we all – it’s standing firm despite the humidity. Love her white and green tropical frock.


Tara gets chatting with the barman, Wise, First Dates style. I hope he becomes a regular part of the show.
Next up is Michael, the smooth soccer player who Sam Frost rejected. He is going to get very hot in Fiji if he continues to wear such tight clothes. Belted shorts? Get a sulu, Michael. Chafing is going to be a major issue.

Tara does her usual guileless blurt about how sweaty she is and Michael is not sure how to react.

Next is Luke from Sophie’s season (the one with the Clooney-ish greying ahir and stubble) and Lisa from Blake Garvey’s season (I only started watching after that season, so Bachie fans will have to fill me in on what she’s like).
And here comes our first “villain”: it’s Leah, the former topless waitress. Here comes jokester mummy’s boy Davey from Sam Frost’s house. I remember he was pretty immature.
Brett from Sophie’s season is apparently mates with Tara. He only lasted a few minutes on that season and Tara immediately spills to others Brett is dating her friend. Why is he on the show? The voluptuous Nina from Sam Wood’s season has changed her hair colour. Another linen shirt arrives – it’s Eden, who lasted even less time than Brett on Sophie’s season. He seems to have a sense of humour.
Davey and Leah get their flirt on. Here’s Florence from Matty J and her blunt humour continues – “the Dutchness” has been milked out of her by show. So, no visits to Fijiian tulip farms, then?
Leah is tossed aside by Davey the minute Flo arrives. So he has some sense at least. Ah, that’s right – I forgot she has an under-the-cleavage tatt. Cue the crop tops.
These blokes are going to have to start wearing coloured shirts if we are going to tell them apart.
Mack from Sophie’s season arrives. Ah, Mack – he was one of the nice “older guys”. Does this means lovely James will be on? Thank god Mack is wearing a coral shirt.
There will be no trouble spotting Blake, though, as he’s wearing black and pink watermelon PJs. Hmmm. I am reminded I must like Nina because she tells the camera she feels no urge to get to know Blake at all.
Jake, the tall, dark brooding one from Georgia Love’s season arrives and he is hoping to meet Megan. That’s Megan who went on the Bachelor in Richie’s season and ended up dating fellow contestant Tiffany.
Turns out Flo and Jake have a history. It’s implied they were hooking up for a while.
After a dip in the pool it’s time for Osher to do some talking, and “Tarsy” tells him he’s bring back so many memories.
“Of that time I dumped you on national television?” he quips. Snap! I like Fiji Osher. He asks if everyone is single and Brett – who Tara said has a girlfriend – half-heartedly raises his hand. Then he’s shown avoiding a producer’s question as to whether he’s single. I’d say he’s been cast just so they can dramatically boot him.
Osher explains the women will be in charge of the first rose ceremony. There are eight men and five women, so three men are going home. I’m guessing Mack, Eden and the guy with the not-girlfriend.
The first date card is handed out and it goes to Davey. He has the hots for Flo but is worried by her past thing with his mate Jake, who apparently actually likes Flo for real, so he chooses Leah. Feisty Flo is not happy. He’s burned his bridges there.


Leah tells Davey the others have picked up on his somewhat desperate to stay vibe.
The girls pump Flo for info on her past relationship with Jake and she says they have not spoken since they had a blow up. Meanwhile, Jake is on the other side of the pool telling Mr No Girlfriend Flo will definitely pick him because they’re cool. But Tara tells Flo that Jake is a “waste of space”. They live in the same town and know the same people and Tara reckons she has him pegged. Juicy!
Please, can we just get Flo a nice, smart bloke?
Davey and Leah get a fire twirling performance which just reminds me that we are going to get twirler Elora at one stage because she pashes on with Megan in the ads. They have a pash on the picnic blanket but Leah is pulling away. She tells the camera afterwards it was “half-arsed”.
Flo sits Jake down for the chat – the producers must love her forthrightness. Instead of bitching about him to other people like most Aussies she comes straight out and tells him everyone else has warned her off him. He gets defensive.”Why do you play the victim like this?” she says. Please, Flo, stick around – you are the most interesting thing on the show. “I need to go to the bathroom,” he says, instead of responding with how much he likes her. Flo: “I’m not going to sit here and wait for you.” Good for you, but now I think she may give him the rose out of sympathy.
Davey and Leah walk back holding hands and everyone spews a little in their mouths. Flo walks off showing some dangerous side boob. But Leah tells the girls it’s only day one and she’s not ready to “suck his face off”. Tara sagely notes their “relationship” lasted as long as it takes to eat Two-Minute Noodles.

After sleeping on it, Davey decides he is pro Flo. He tells her he did not want to upset Jake, but this just shows her how easily influenced he is.

And here comes the drama – Keira is arriving. And she’s had a boob job, it seems. She tells Osher she has a soft spot for Jarrod but it’s too soon since Sophie broke his heart, and she does not want a man who’s prettier than her. That could be tricky – there are a lot of men on the island who put in hours in front of the mirror. She tells producers she could never date Michael because she “can’t do the teeth”. Lol. Jake makes a beeline for Keira, sensing a lifeline.
The next date card arrives and it’s for Jake. Go on, Jake – take one of the boys! He does indeed wander off to have a chat with bros Davey and Brett.
Flo and the girls are fanning themselves furiously at the bar and even Keira is surprised there is so much drama so soon.
“Jake’s being dodgy; Davey’s being a little shit. Can I get a Panadol, please?” Flo says.
But in the end Jake DOES pick Flo.

Oh – that’s the end. We get a quick preview of their date at a waterfall tomorrow night and some blow up over Mr No Girlfriend. That was abrupt.
So, what do we think?



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46 Comments

      • Yeah, “MAFS” is being trapped in an apartment with a psychopath for a month and then pressured into being intimate with them by alleged-experts.

        “Bachelor in Paradise” is a whole lot of really attractive people on a drunken holiday in a Fijian resort.

        I tell you which show I’d rather be a part of.

  1. So far so mind numbingly glorious. I’ve only just picked up my phone in the ad break.
    Davy is not hot though. He has no neck

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  2. Davy chooses a stripper, he’s here to find love. Davy looks like John Edward to me…ie a freak. He was crawling like a leech to Flo before he chose loose Leah.

  3. I can’t even lie. So far, this has been oddly compelling.

    The promo seemed to indicate that two of the girls end up hooking up, sometime during this season. C’mon. When do the hot blokes start hooking up with each other? I can’t be asking too much. I mean, geez, Apollo is so attractive he could turn someone.

    And I’m not talking about Wice, the ridiculously camp bartender. Although he seems fun.

    Tara seems as lovely as ever, and I really liked seeing her, Lisa (who absolutely dodged the bullet when Blake dumped her), Michael and Luke hanging out by the pool.

    Wow, Leah packed lightly. She seems to have forgotten to pack pants.

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  4. All this “surprise” amongst the contestants about who will be arriving, wouldn’t they all have seen each other on the plane over?

  5. Oh great, Blake’s back. I wonder if he’s coward-punched anyone else, or had any more AVOs taken out against him?

    I imagine the more well-known guys from Sophie’s season will show up later … because the guys so far from Sophie’s season? I don’t even remember most of them. The break-dancing guy? Mack? Who the hell are these people?

    Highlight of the episode so far. Flo admitting to a drunken hook-up with Jake, sometime in the past. Ah, true love.

  6. Can Tara narrate and/or summarise every episode, going forward? Can someone make that happen?

    And when’s Apollo going to get here? Hopefully he arrives at least two days before his shirts do.

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  7. Mini recap is up for those who may have missed it. Keira’s arrival was a bit of an anticlimax, given all the drama that went down beforehand

  8. I actually genuinely hope that Jake and Flo sort their stuff out, because I find them both so genuinely entertaining. Let’s let them both stick around for a while longer.

    The other highlight of the episode, Brett’s abs. He might have a girlfriend on the outside, but who cares? You could grate cheese on his stomach, that was just ridiculous. It’s like he was photoshopped.

    Also, I *loved* Keira showing up, being confronted by the Jake/Flo/Davey/Leah situation, and her first response, “It’s only been one day. Everyone needs to calm down!”

    I missed Australian Spartan for this, didn’t I? I don’t even care. I enjoyed it. I’m tuning in tomorrow night.

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  9. I admit to dipping in and out, but i am loving this show.
    I am loving Tara and Flo, and I don’t mind Kiera. Am I just getting used to her? Is she an acquired taste? I do hope it’s true that she and Jarrod are now an item (Good god, what is wrong with me?).
    But the men are a bit ordinary. I don’t remember most of them first time around, let alone this time. I remember Mack because of those ears and Blake because he’s a thug (what are the producers thinking?).
    Just when I think I am over rtv, I am served up another meal of deliciousness.

  10. Trash TV at its best.
    I enjoyed the first episode. Looking forward to more people coming in . Like the format.
    Also think Nina looks better as a brunette.

  11. So we are just sitting down to it now. I bet Izobel 2 is watching because it looks like it’s going to be similar to the US Bachelor Pad.
    Of course this is only about celen wannabes going on tv again. They would have already met most of these people while clubbing in celeb wannabe clubs.

    • Apollo and Michael are only there to gather more publicity for their TV “careers”.
      And further to Michael, there’s something off about him. Perhaps gay, gay, gay.? Just sayin’.

      • The girls get to hook up and have naughty make-out sessions, meanwhile Michael has to be content with rubbing sunscreen on Luke’s abs one-by-one?

        Damn it channel 10, that just ain’t fair.

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